Your Friend From College Promises This Will Be Last Trump Article He Shares Today
Feb20

Your Friend From College Promises This Will Be Last Trump Article He Shares Today

PHOENIX – Noting that he knows it’s “probably a bit obsessive” to have already sent you a combination of four news articles and think pieces related to President Donald Trump before noon, your friend from college promises that this Atlantic article will be the last item he shares with you today. “You just have to read this last one,” he told you over Facebook chat, referencing an article accusing Donald Trump of offending Dick...

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Richard Spencer Takes Break From Manifesto to Spin Heroic Yarn Out of Getting Punched in Face
Feb11

Richard Spencer Takes Break From Manifesto to Spin Heroic Yarn Out of Getting Punched in Face

ARLINGTON, Va. – Unsettled over a deteriorating amount of public attention, white supremacist Richard Spencer took a break from electronically distributing rhetoric hateful and harmful to anybody who doesn’t fit his own immediate demographic to revisit the now-viral events following President Donald Trump’s inauguration. “The Nazi Punch, they call it. Let me tell you what actually happened,” Spencer began, attempting to charm...

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Local 12-Year-Old Primed to ‘Tear Shit Up’ This Friday
Feb06

Local 12-Year-Old Primed to ‘Tear Shit Up’ This Friday

CLEVELAND HEIGHTS, Ohio – Trying to conceal his smile, local 12-year-old Daniel Donaldson admitted to reporters Monday that he feels “ready to tear shit up” this Friday night. “It’ll probably be the best Friday ever,” Donaldson said with excitement, his attention split between a room of reporters and a marathon session of Minecraft. When asked to elaborate, Donaldson said, “Well, first off, I obviously have to finish...

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Colorful Array of Villains and Ghouls Descends Upon Washington DC for Trump Inauguration
Jan20

Colorful Array of Villains and Ghouls Descends Upon Washington DC for Trump Inauguration

WASHINGTON – Anticipating the ascension of their preferred presidential candidate to the chair of President of the United States of America, a cartoonish legion of grotesque monsters has descended upon Washington D.C. for Donald Trump’s inauguration. The beasts, clad in “Make America Great Again” hats, mini-American flags draped over ear and horn, and the odd “Hillary for Prison” t-shirt are arriving steadily in the nation’s...

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