Would-Be Airplane Hijacker Stuck in Middle Seat
Jan15

Would-Be Airplane Hijacker Stuck in Middle Seat

WASHINGTON – Citing the relatively late purchase of his ticket as the reason for being relegated to a middle seat on the airplane, James Cordin’s plot to hijack a Boeing 747 as it crossed the United States to bring attention to the issue of global hunger was thwarted today by two unknowing heroes. “I would have taken over the plane, but I had already gotten up once to use the bathroom early in the flight,” Cordin said. “I...

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Airline Mourns Beloved Gremlin
Sep08

Airline Mourns Beloved Gremlin

CHICAGO – United Airlines mourned the loss of one of its most prominent gremlins Tuesday. Grzlock the Eldest & Merciless, a yellow and green plane-gremlin known as “Jerry” by airline staff, first joined the airline in 1970. During his tenure on the staff he provided in-flight mechanical services for more than 10,000 commercial flights, developed groundbreaking new techniques in wing upkeep on the Boeing 707, and...

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Generous Airplane Legroom Wasted on Child
Jun23

Generous Airplane Legroom Wasted on Child

LONG ISLAND CITY, New York – Executives at JetBlue were distraught today as they discovered that a flight’s generous legroom had been wasted on a short-legged child. The low-cost airline prides itself on the 34 inches of legroom they provide economy-class passengers, a full two inches above the U.S. national average. “We’ve spent millions of dollars to make sure our passengers have the most legroom of any...

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