United States Olympic Committee Begs Remaining Athletes Not to Fuck Up
Aug20

United States Olympic Committee Begs Remaining Athletes Not to Fuck Up

RIO DE JANEIRO – After Rio police deemed swimmer Ryan Lochte’s and three of his teammates’ claim of being robbed at gunpoint as false, the United States Olympic Committee has issued a statement begging all remaining athletes not to fuck up. “Our main goal now is getting through the remainder of the games without any more fuck-ups, screw-ups or mishaps that could anger an entire country,” said USOC CEO Scott Blackmun. “We do not...

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Buff, Oiled-Up Tongan Flag Bearer Proud That People Want to Learn More About His Country
Aug09

Buff, Oiled-Up Tongan Flag Bearer Proud That People Want to Learn More About His Country

RIO DE JANEIRO – After the glitz and glamour of the 2016 Rio Olympics Opening Ceremony had ended last Friday, most of the athletes paraded their way back to the Olympic Village with heavy anticipation for the games to come. As these warriors of sport gathered some much-needed rest, one particular competitor ended the evening with the first victory for his nation. That man was Tongan flag bearer Pita Taufatofua, who captained his...

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