David Duke Still Searching for Perfect Robe to Wow at Inaugural Ball
Jan18

David Duke Still Searching for Perfect Robe to Wow at Inaugural Ball

WASHINGTON – With Donald Trump’s inauguration just days away, excitement is building among white supremacists all over the country. Perhaps none are more excited for the event, though, than ex-Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan and former Senate hopeful David Duke, who is racing around these final days to find the absolute perfect robe for the inauguration ball. “Steve Bannon got me tickets and I am just freaking...

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Donald Trump to Take Oath of Office on Copy of ‘The Art of the Deal’
Jan16

Donald Trump to Take Oath of Office on Copy of ‘The Art of the Deal’

NEW YORK CITY – President-elect Donald Trump announced this morning his intent to take the upcoming oath of office on his personal copy of The Art of the Deal. The press conference, held at Trump Tower, revealed that Trump will be the first president to take the oath on a non-religious text since Theodore Roosevelt in 1902. The incoming Commander-in-Chief said that he felt that the 288-page New Testament was not substantive...

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How Life in D.C. Will Change Once Donald Trump Is President
Jan12

How Life in D.C. Will Change Once Donald Trump Is President

Many residents are nervously wondering how day-to-day life in the District will change once President-elect Donald Trump takes office on January 20th. Here is what we know so far: 1. Security officials have disclosed that whenever Mr. Trump plans to leave the White House – be it to check in on his Pennsylvania Avenue hotel, scout for stalks of wheat to fill in his hairline or to simply gaze out of a tinted window at what he now...

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A Rap/Hip-Hop Compilation Recorded for the Trump Inauguration
Dec30

A Rap/Hip-Hop Compilation Recorded for the Trump Inauguration

Through some deep sources within President-elect Donald Trump’s transition team, we have uncovered a track list of rap/hip-hop songs re-recorded (“All tremendously legal,” we were assured) for Trump’s upcoming inauguration in January: 1. “F*ck Tha Police Because You Appreciate the Work They Do” – N.W.A. 2. “De-Regulate” – Warren G 3. “Flynn and Juice” – Snoop Dogg 4....

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Holiday Weather Report: It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Memorial Day
Dec29

Holiday Weather Report: It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Memorial Day

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The holiday season is in full swing, but sweater weather hasn’t begun yet – and it might not for awhile, according to members of President-elect Donald Trump’s staff, as Myron Ebell has begun the Environmental Protection Agency’s transition into Trump’s first term and beyond. Originally part of a grand scheme to compromise U.S. manufacturing efforts, the lie of global warming has escalated according to...

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