Paul Ryan Daydreaming About Shoving Elderly Woman Into Snow Again
Mar22

Paul Ryan Daydreaming About Shoving Elderly Woman Into Snow Again

    More jokes, at no extra...

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CIA Plant Revealed to Be Plant
Mar22

CIA Plant Revealed to Be Plant

WASHINGTON – In a stunning twist on an otherwise upbeat story, Mike Pompeo, Director of the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), revealed today during a press conference that a plant the agency planted overseas was in fact just a plant. “After taking time to install the plant without anyone noticing, we found out that it had been compromised, and felt that we needed to explain that it was in actuality a plant the whole time,”...

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Wacky Neighbor Falls Down During Cancer Announcement
Mar18

Wacky Neighbor Falls Down During Cancer Announcement

MINNEAPOLIS – Neighborhood cut-up Joe Johansson was in the middle of his tearful announcement of contracting liver cancer to the residents of Laurelwood cul-de-sac when he tumbled comically onto the ground, a move everyone agreed was “classic Johansson.” “That’s so Joe!” said next-door neighboor Susan Henderson. “He’s always wearing these crazy Hawaiian shirts and making margaritas....

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Typo Leads to Creation of American Health Care Cat
Mar16

Typo Leads to Creation of American Health Care Cat

WASHINGTON – Republican leaders who scrambled in recent weeks to put together a replacement plan to the Affordable Care Act hit a new snag this morning after a tweet by President Trump called for the passage of the American Health Care Cat. “I call on Congress to make sure the American Health Care Cat gives access to all people who need medical care!” Trump tweeted at 3 a.m. Beltway reporters, assuming a simple typo had occurred...

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God Sends Thoughts and Prayers to Gun Violence Victims
Mar10

God Sends Thoughts and Prayers to Gun Violence Victims

THE HEAVENS – Our Heavenly Father, God Almighty, extended His “thoughts and prayers to all the recent gun violence victims and their families” via a Facebook post Friday, admitting that it was hard to understand the recent violent acts and He was sure the victims were needed in a “better place.” He, Creator of Heaven and Earth, requested his seven billion Facebook followers to take a moment of silence and reflect on the recent...

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Whoa: Donald Trump Is Calling Out Poseidon on Twitter and No One Knows Why
Mar07

Whoa: Donald Trump Is Calling Out Poseidon on Twitter and No One Knows Why

WASHINGTON – Following a particularly tumultuous week in the White House, President Donald Trump is again throwing his aides and the entire country for a loop by launching into a full-blown tirade against Poseidon, Lord and Master of the Ocean, on Twitter. Since Trump began his early-morning rant against the God of the Sea, nobody on his team has been able to figure out the source of the president’s latest feud....

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