Cleveland Indians Bow to Public Pressure, Return to ‘Spiders’ Name
Apr26

Cleveland Indians Bow to Public Pressure, Return to ‘Spiders’ Name

To the fans, Today is a great step forward for our club. After 130 years as a professional baseball organization, and 112 years as Cleveland’s beloved Indians, we say goodbye to an aspect of our past in an attempt to heal painful wounds and make amends to the Native American community, as well as the country as a whole. Beginning next year, we will no longer use the “Indians” name, originally coined to honor Native American baseball...

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Seeking to Attract New Members, Catholic Church Renames Lent ‘Whole40 Program’
Apr20

Seeking to Attract New Members, Catholic Church Renames Lent ‘Whole40 Program’

VATICAN CITY – Following their annual Lent postmortem, the Catholic Church’s marketing department has declared the religion’s annual time of sacrifice and fasting be renamed the “Whole40 Program” ahead of next year’s observance. “It’s hard enough to attract new members, but we never had to compete with trending topics before,” said Holy See Press Office Director Greg Burke. He cited concerns over Lent’s slipping...

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New ‘Taken’ Shared Universe to Feature 20 Men With Nothing to Lose Rescuing Their Daughters
Apr19
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Scoring Winning Run Only Time Dad Happy to See Eight-Year-Old Come Home
Apr12

Scoring Winning Run Only Time Dad Happy to See Eight-Year-Old Come Home

MASON, Ohio – Local third-grade student Johnny Wilson enthusiastically revealed this week that he enjoys playing on his Little League baseball team very much, primarily because it is the only time his father displays a positive emotional reaction to him making it safely home. “Seeing my dad’s face pressed against the fence when I score a run is awesome,” Johnny said. “He’s smiling really big, which is not how he greets me when I...

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Baseball Player Can’t Think of Metaphor to Describe How Far He Got With Date Last Night
Apr12
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PitchTron 5000 Pitching Machine to Undergo RoboTommy John 2.0 Surgery
Apr10

PitchTron 5000 Pitching Machine to Undergo RoboTommy John 2.0 Surgery

NEW YORK – Unfortunate news coming out of the New Yorks Mets’ camp today, as their new state-of-the-art pitching machine has broken and looks to need a small connector entirely removed in what is being labeled a radical new treatment. “That machine got through a rocky spring training, and showed us what it meant to be a real workhorse,” said Mets pitching coach Dan Warthen. “But that’s just what happens sometimes with these new...

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