Hi, I’m a Magical Snowman Who Just Came to Life and Is Asking You About Your Relationship Status
Dec15

Hi, I’m a Magical Snowman Who Just Came to Life and Is Asking You About Your Relationship Status

Hey there. I appear to be a talking snowman, and I just wanted to thank you for putting this magical top hat on my head and bringing me to life. Very nice of you. Now that I’m here, I’d like to get down to business and immediately start asking you whether or not you’re married. Seems like a totally not insane thing to do. So, are you married? Are you? Okay, maybe it is a little strange that I’m asking you this. After all,...

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Movies We Would Have If Some Producers Were Literal Dogs Instead of Figurative Ones
Nov08

Movies We Would Have If Some Producers Were Literal Dogs Instead of Figurative Ones

The Bark Night Rises Local dogs gather to make sweet nighttime music. The Fat and the Fur-ious Can an overweight golden retriever and a greyhound find love? YES THEY CAN. Star Paws He’s just a tap-dancing cockapoo trying to make it in the big city. Yellow Christmas Seasonal classic with music by Bingo Crosby. Star Paws II: Attack of the Clones A tap-dancing cockapoo tries to survive becoming a father of ten. A Human’s Purpose Is...

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Unsolicited Advice From a Girl to the Breastaurant Industry
Mar08

Unsolicited Advice From a Girl to the Breastaurant Industry

Ever since the “male Hooters” opened up, I’ll admit I’ve been curious and a bit skeptical. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about the effort and hopeful that their intent is to hop on the gender equality, female inclusion train (trust me, we see you and we appreciate you). When I looked it up, though, all I found were photos of ripped men in tiny shorts holding server trays of hot dogs. This photo may have been edited. Maybe I’ve been...

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King Henry VIII’s Google Search History
Sep26

King Henry VIII’s Google Search History

lute chords fun disguises for a hot prince buy breeches tall can you marry your brother’s widow if she promises she’s a virgin + catholic faq papal dispensations 1509 richard empson edmund dudley rumors executions are they ok for kings shaking of the sheets male heir “the carman’s whistle” harp tabs how to piss off james iv leo x facebook fancy jousting tournament pinterest board francis i sucks double...

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I Read an Article on Quantum Physics and Now I’m an Expert, Guys
Jun28

I Read an Article on Quantum Physics and Now I’m an Expert, Guys

One of my favorite coffee brewing methods is the siphon method. We’ve been doing it at this coffee shop for a while now. Two glass beakers extract the coffee through a vacuum. It makes me feel like I’m a scientist. I don’t know if I’d consider myself amongst the ranks of scientists, but I did read an article on quantum physics once. Do you know anything about quantum physics? You don’t. Let me fill you in. It’s kind of complicated, so...

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How Many Enterprises Can Kirk Destroy Before Starfleet Has Had Enough?
Dec15

How Many Enterprises Can Kirk Destroy Before Starfleet Has Had Enough?

So the first trailer for Star Trek Beyond was released and nerds everywhere have gotten their collective Spock undies in a bunch over every aspect of it, mainly because the movie doesn’t look painfully boring and has the audacity to include some action scenes. But what I’m wondering is how in the world Kirk is even still allowed to captain a ship, given that he’s been involved in the destruction of about 43 of these...

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