Are You Ready for the BIG3 Basketball League?
Jun25

Are You Ready for the BIG3 Basketball League?

The BIG3 basketball league kicks off this weekend at the Barclays Center in New York. You may have many questions about this: What is the BIG3 League? Is it just in one city? Have we gotten to the bottom of how to pronounce Barclays yet? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. If you’re wondering what happened to all your favorite players (or guys you vaguely remember) from a decade ago, well, they’ve all been rescued from impending...

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So Your Lover Believes the Earth Is Flat
May25

So Your Lover Believes the Earth Is Flat

1. Forgive him. 2. No, don’t forgive him. Science is important, and the shape of our world is not to be re-negotiated on a conspiratorial whim. 3. He’s so handsome, though. 4. And he always comes through in the clutch, like when LeBron is exhausted or in foul trouble. 5. Find a decent compromise. Perhaps the Earth could be shaped like a pickle, a refrigerator box, or a sleeping duck. 6. Your love with your lover is...

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7 Times Washington Nationals Mascot Screech Got Caught Gawking At a Big Ol’ Pair of Titties
Apr14

7 Times Washington Nationals Mascot Screech Got Caught Gawking At a Big Ol’ Pair of Titties

“Humina humina humina humina.”   “Let’s go Nats! Let’s go Nats! Let’s go Na-holy shit.”   “It’s like they’re looking directly into my soul.”   “I would throw it all away – my wife, kids, job, house – for five minutes alone with those honkers.”   “Well those are just too big.”   “You see Robert,...

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Tim Tebow Has Finally Defeated Satan
Apr13

Tim Tebow Has Finally Defeated Satan

In what can only be described as the greatest Biblical victory since Jesus dunked on everyone by coming back from the dead, Tim Tebow has truly defeated Satan once and for all. The former pro football player and now minor leaguer, playing for the Class A Columbia Fireflies in the Mets organization, hit a home run in his very first at-bat last week. But how, you might be wondering, does that mean Tebow finally took down the devil,...

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An Earth Day Message From the Tampa Bay Rays Public Address Announcer
Apr13

An Earth Day Message From the Tampa Bay Rays Public Address Announcer

Gooooooooood afteroooooon, Tropicana Field! Got plans for Earth Day? Join us back here on April 22 for our special Earth Day fan celebration! Come see your hometown Taaaaaampa Baaaaay Raaaaaays as we try to distract ourselves from the inevitable destruction of Earth as we know it. Watch your Rays take on the Houston Astros, but don’t leave after the sixth inning like usual! Stay for the post-game fireworks show, a prescient preview of...

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A Look at Harmon Killebrew’s MVP Season in 1969 (Nice)
Apr09

A Look at Harmon Killebrew’s MVP Season in 1969 (Nice)

Harmon Killebrew is not just a Minnesota Twins legend, but he’s one of the game’s all-time greats, slugging 573 career home runs (and subsequently getting punished for having a relatively low career batting average – .256 – as he was a fourth-ballot Hall of Famer). But there’s no denying that no one had a better individual 1969 (nice) season than Hammerin’ Harmon. After tearing his left hamstring...

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