Ad Hominem Attacks: Steve Bannon Looks Like a Stack of Pancakes With an Axe to Grind
Jun23

Ad Hominem Attacks: Steve Bannon Looks Like a Stack of Pancakes With an Axe to Grind

In a society that has placed too much value on physical appearance, ad hominem attacks directly relating to a person’s attractiveness are nothing more than regressive, irrelevant jabs, and the person relying on them appears desperate and insecure. Furthermore, in this humble optimist’s worldview, most people don’t deserve it. Almost everyone is doing their best. Almost no one is truly evil. Almost. But the ad hominem attack persists...

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Let’s Agree ‘Snowflake’ Has Lost All Meaning as an Insult and Move the Fuck On
Jun21

Let’s Agree ‘Snowflake’ Has Lost All Meaning as an Insult and Move the Fuck On

Sometimes the Internet gives you a gift that you just do not know how to repay. That happened last week when during my routine perusing I came across a fantastic story where people got offended by a Spaceballs joke. In 2017! Here’s a quick recap. Adam Goldberg, creator of the show The Goldbergs, attempted to make a joke using a picture of a broken Dark Helmet figure and criticized the “broken” president and lamented how disappointed...

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I Made a List of Liberal Leaders and It’s Not Just Their Policies That Are Hot
Jun13

I Made a List of Liberal Leaders and It’s Not Just Their Policies That Are Hot

My friends keep saying “Oh, you liberals are so into your policies. You realize most people don’t pay attention to that don’t you?” and I’m all like – ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I’m a liberal because of the policies AND because of all the hot guys who are liberal enough not to mind the gays forming fan clubs in their honor. With that in mind, here are my current favorite #LiberalHotties: Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau He’s my...

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The 31 Flavors of Mike Pence
Jun09

The 31 Flavors of Mike Pence

Warm weather is here and Mike Pence is churning up summer’s favorite political ice cream flavors! Be sure to scoop up some of the vice president’s thirty-one flavors, including: 1) Not Without My Wife Coffee Liqueur Cookies-and-Cream 2) Rust Belt Conservative Cherry Chocolate Chip 3) Sexual Reparative Therapy Rainbow Sherbet 4) Abstinence-Only Almond Crunch 5) Prayer in School Bananas & Nuts 6) Opposition to Women’s Healthcare...

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10 Gifts Mike Pence Won’t Receive at His Birthday Party
Jun07

10 Gifts Mike Pence Won’t Receive at His Birthday Party

It’s Vice President Mike Pence’s birthday! In addition to a decked-out Air Force II and the chance to stay as far away from the James Comey debacle as possible, Pence is no doubt going to receive some gifts at his birthday party. But he won’t be receiving these ten things, whether he wants some of them or not: 1. A keychain that says “Trumpcare is Exactly What Jesus Would Do” 2. A how-to book titled How to...

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5 Reasons Mike Pence Is Looking Forward to His Upcoming Stay at a Maximum-Security Prison
Jun07

5 Reasons Mike Pence Is Looking Forward to His Upcoming Stay at a Maximum-Security Prison

1. Bible Study One of Mike’s biggest regrets is that the demands of his career have gotten in the way of his Bible study time. Also, one of his biggest frustrations is that he has never been able to supplant the pastor’s son as leader of his Bible study class. Such nepotism! However, both of these problems will be things of the past once Mike is safely behind bars. Mike is already daydreaming about lounging around all day idly...

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