With Everything That’s Happening Right Now, I’d Like to Announce I’m Selling Diet Pills!
Aug16

With Everything That’s Happening Right Now, I’d Like to Announce I’m Selling Diet Pills!

Hey Errybody! LOL! What’s up all my Facebook amigos? You doing good? You’re about to be doing better! I’m going to make this the best time of your life by offering you something that will make you forget every bad thing happening right now – even the life-threatening ones! How? I’m now a registered representative to sell all-natural diet pills, and I’m offering you a life-changing opportunity! These things are amazing. I’ve been...

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National Park Service Unveils Monuments to Facebook Posts From Your High School Friends
Aug11

National Park Service Unveils Monuments to Facebook Posts From Your High School Friends

The-I-Was-Playing-With-My-Camera-and-It-Accidentally-Took-This-Flattering-Picture-of-Me Nature Preserve North-Central New Mexico The NPS is thrilled to welcome visitors to the hidden gem nestled among the Jemez Mountains that pays homage to the moment when Becky Williams of South Bend, Indiana purportedly dropped her cellular telephone and managed to accidentally capture an uncharacteristically attractive photograph of herself. The...

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How You Found Robot Butt: July 2017 Edition
Aug09

How You Found Robot Butt: July 2017 Edition

Here at Robot Butt, we are always impressed with the insightful nature of our audience, and we want to share that with everyone. So without further ado, here is an unedited list of some of our favorite search terms used to find the site last month: bigoted cookie elf pictures of breadsticks every grunt in home improvement naked mailman turducken of donuts beautiful bruce almighty rat king myth miranda kerr armpit obama shadow...

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10 Dog Breeds With Amazingly Cute Poop That Will Make You Leave Your Plastic Bag at Home
Aug01

10 Dog Breeds With Amazingly Cute Poop That Will Make You Leave Your Plastic Bag at Home

Common rules of human decency, neighborly courtesy and societal contracts dictate that we should pick up after our canine best friends. However, we must be tolerant of our fellow rebels who do not subscribe to this norm. You see, there’s an explanation for the existential madness involved in excrement pick-up refusal. Only a true art connoisseur can recognize the beauty hidden in our dog’s poop. Unlike hideous feline poop that must be...

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10 Ways You Know You’re in the Audience of the Farewell Tour of ‘Mamma Mia!’
Jul29

10 Ways You Know You’re in the Audience of the Farewell Tour of ‘Mamma Mia!’

1. The average age of the 1,300 audience members is 57. The average color is white. You sit among 1,300 middle-aged white women who are excited to return to the youth of the music of ABBA in staged dramatic form. 2. You see a few haggard men accompanying said women, but they would have preferred to stay at the Holiday Inn Courtyard bar or The Cheesecake Factory drinking $3 happy hour Long Island Iced Tea specials and dropping coconut...

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Statements From Sean Spicer’s First Weekend as My Personal Press Secretary
Jul26

Statements From Sean Spicer’s First Weekend as My Personal Press Secretary

I didn’t plan on hiring a personal press secretary, but when opportunity knocks, you take it. Opportunity knocked into me particularly hard on Friday, when Sean Spicer hit me in a Dunkin’ Donuts parking lot. He volunteered to serve as my personal press secretary for a while if I promised to keep the collision quiet. After all, he’s in between jobs, and apparently, it’s pretty expensive to insure a motorized...

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