The Top 9 New Side Hustles for 2017
Apr23

The Top 9 New Side Hustles for 2017

Water Safety Specialist: This exciting side hustle will have you single-handedly rebuilding a city’s crumbling water infrastructure so your tap water doesn’t kill anyone in the house. Set your own hours and earn a steady stream of drinkable water. Advertising Watchdog: If you love spending time on Breitbart, mingling with reprehensible, opinion-based reporting and shaking with rage, you’ll dig this gig. You’ll take screenshots of...

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A Letter From Camp by a Homesick Child Who Learned to Speak by Reading Thought Catalog
Apr20

A Letter From Camp by a Homesick Child Who Learned to Speak by Reading Thought Catalog

My dear Mother and Father, who loved me enough to let me go, Summer camp is not the walk in the park I believed it might be, and maybe that’s okay. The friends I thought I had turned out to be enemies in disguise, like Martha from girls’ bunk 6, who laughed along when the older girls mocked my dance sandals. I did not let them see me cry, because that is not the girl I know that I am. But the truth is I did cry, later. And maybe...

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Sex Tip: Touch His Dick to Make Him Go WILD in Bed
Apr19

Sex Tip: Touch His Dick to Make Him Go WILD in Bed

Get ready to send your man into hyperdrive! Whether you’re rewarding him for doing something around the house or simply want to spice things up, we’ve got a bold new move that will drive him out of his mind with lust and make him go certifiably insane with pleasure. “If you really want to violently catapult him over the edge of sexual intoxication, try touching his dick,” says Dr. Carol Coseta, a sex therapist in New York City. “We’re...

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How You Found Robot Butt: March 2017 Edition
Apr17

How You Found Robot Butt: March 2017 Edition

The quest for knowledge is never-ending. It is arduous, and full of obstacles, and it should always be celebrated. With that in mind, here is an unedited list of some of the best terms used to find Robot Butt in March: pizza eating itself april o’neil butt will god punish erections robot ted cruz for president urinal spy is trump a time traveler businessman butt national devil day what fruit are fuckable human remains in...

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100 Words or Less: On Easter
Apr16

100 Words or Less: On Easter

Dogmatically speaking, Easter is the most important of the Christian holidays. It is also heavy as shit. Even the scrubbed Sunday School telling has a good man accused of bogus crimes he is then brutally murdered for, after which his ghost comes back to advise his grieving friends how to carry on without him. The dark nature of the story is why we shove sugar down the throats of children, to distract them from the horrors of the...

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I Am Having Doubts About the Active Volcano in My Neighborhood, But I Remain Hopeful
Apr08

I Am Having Doubts About the Active Volcano in My Neighborhood, But I Remain Hopeful

You might remember that I was the guy who threw my support behind the active volcano that was discovered in my neighborhood because I felt like it could bring about the change we so desperately needed. Now that it’s been a few months, I will admit that I do have a few doubts, but I remain hopeful. Let me explain. First off, I’m a positive person and if there is one thing I’ve learned from this whole volcano situation is that there are...

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