11 Foolproof Home Remedies (Pending FDA Approval) to Prevent Yourself From Getting Sick
Jun21

11 Foolproof Home Remedies (Pending FDA Approval) to Prevent Yourself From Getting Sick

Up until three years ago, I was doomed to a life of chicken soup, bed-ridden Fresh Prince of Bel Air episodes, and infuriating my boss for every sick day I took. Now I’m a health guru for MAJOR big-name celebrities (I’d tell who you they were but I signed an NDA). Follow my tips below to a better, healthier and more germ-free YOU. 1. Take one serving daily of vitamin A, vitamin B, vitamin C, vitamin D, vitamin E, vitamin F, vitamin G,...

Read More
Let’s Agree ‘Snowflake’ Has Lost All Meaning as an Insult and Move the Fuck On
Jun21

Let’s Agree ‘Snowflake’ Has Lost All Meaning as an Insult and Move the Fuck On

Sometimes the Internet gives you a gift that you just do not know how to repay. That happened last week when during my routine perusing I came across a fantastic story where people got offended by a Spaceballs joke. In 2017! Here’s a quick recap. Adam Goldberg, creator of the show The Goldbergs, attempted to make a joke using a picture of a broken Dark Helmet figure and criticized the “broken” president and lamented how disappointed...

Read More
10 Ways That Cattle Are Like Cheating Husbands
Jun19

10 Ways That Cattle Are Like Cheating Husbands

1. They can drink too much 2. They can knock you off your feet 3. They’re horny 4. You can claim them on your taxes 5. You can use their dismembered feet as dog toys 6. They max out the credit cards 7. If they get too ornery you can fatten them up and slaughter them for extra protein 8. You can castrate them if you don’t want them to get too big 9. You can make a purse from their skin 10. They don’t like it when you use a hot...

Read More
Apartment Infested With Bees? Show Your Landlord You’re Still Totally Reasonable About It
Jun16

Apartment Infested With Bees? Show Your Landlord You’re Still Totally Reasonable About It

Your apartment’s infested with bees again but you don’t want to bother your landlord, huh? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered with these email sign-offs that show you’re still totally reasonable about the whole thing: 1. I promise I’m not usually this high-maintenance, I just have a weird thing about active bee colonies! LOL! 2. It’s actually great that honeybees are coming back. Your emergency number...

Read More
How You Found Robot Butt: May 2017 Edition
Jun15

How You Found Robot Butt: May 2017 Edition

Just because the weather is warmer doesn’t mean humanity’s quest for knowledge is cooling off! We’ve seen all sorts of curious minds come to Robot Butt, evidenced most recently by the following list of unedited search terms people used to find our site in May: last sleepover ever did jerry seinfeld vote for trump artificial intelligence is satanic breastfeeding man hot flogged on the bare buttocks and wild sex...

Read More
How to Wash Your Hair THE RIGHT WAY: An 11-Step Guide
Jun03

How to Wash Your Hair THE RIGHT WAY: An 11-Step Guide

You may think you know how to wash your hair, but you’re a woman in 2017, which means you need how-to articles on everything from sleeping to breathing. So take a deep breath – god, not like THAT – and find out how to clean yourself right with our helpful eleven-step guide: Step 1: Condition first. It sounds counterintuitive but it works! Step 2: Wait, no, shampoo first. Conditioning first sounds counterintuitive because...

Read More
Page 1 of 3112345...102030...Last »