Let’s Talk About Loot Boxes
Oct19

Let’s Talk About Loot Boxes

In what is surely genuinely shocking news, the gaming community is pissed off about something. Fortunately, this time the anger isn’t over girls getting their cooties all over games or because games have the gall to cast very fine people as the bad guys. Now the outrage is over the prevalence of loot boxes in games, and fear of the industry adopting a play-to-win mentality. Loot boxes vary slightly from game to game, but the basic...

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The Seven Neighbors Mister Rogers Never Imagined
Oct13

The Seven Neighbors Mister Rogers Never Imagined

Sonny Gardener: A competitive landscaper who thinks nothing of running the electric hedge trimmer at dawn on a Sunday to carve his shrubs into presidential head topiaries. He is also known to sever his foliage down to the root after listening to the latest alternative facts on Fox News. Sam Peterson: His property is the place where rusty carcasses of old cars and moldy freezers go to die in grass that hasn’t seen a mower since...

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How the Audience Members of Megyn Kelly’s ‘Today Show’ Segment Got Here
Oct10

How the Audience Members of Megyn Kelly’s ‘Today Show’ Segment Got Here

Were told this was where you were supposed to wait for Rockettes tickets Left an NBC studio tour to use the bathroom, page told her it was in here Knew it was a live taping of the Megyn Kelly Today Show segment but was promised there would be free bagels Was told they were selected for an Ambush Makeover Is married to Megyn Kelly, searching for a good time to duck out early, though Are Kathie Lee and Hoda pregaming their segment by...

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Texts From Your Friend Watching All of ‘Friday Night Lights’ Before Netflix Removes It
Sep28

Texts From Your Friend Watching All of ‘Friday Night Lights’ Before Netflix Removes It

Finally watching that football show you like that you swear is “not about football” [eye roll emoji] Is Riggins the hot one that everyone on Tumblr is obsessed with? I mean, I get it, would bang Oh wait how old is he, there’s no way any of these actors are younger than 23, right Wow Julie Taylor is kind of the worst, huh? If Tim Riggins hooks up with this one hot librarian-looking neighbor, I am OUT OMG HE TOTALLY BANGED HER, ARE YOU...

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15 Motivational MoviePass Mantras
Sep23

15 Motivational MoviePass Mantras

1. Today is the day your MoviePass card arrives. 2. The universe intended for your MoviePass card to be delivered tomorrow. 3. Or Friday. Your MoviePass will surely be waiting for you by Friday. 4. Next Friday. 5. Saturday your MoviePass will arrive. You will see Blade Runner 2049 with Denise. The money you save on your ticket will allow you to purchase enough popcorn to be considered desirable. 6. You were strong enough to get this...

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Pronoun Movie Sequels to Stephen King’s ‘It’
Sep21

Pronoun Movie Sequels to Stephen King’s ‘It’

Them Fear is now a family, as Pennywise has returned from the grave and brought his blood-sucking, newly formed family (including his daughter Penelope, and son, Penny Jr.) to wreak havoc on the town of Derry, Maine. She Pennywise comes back to Derry to apologize to the children, and to reveal that the reason for his evil is the fact everyone just automatically assumed his gender, and that clown women are just as capable of demonic...

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