Not Sexy Halloween Costumes I’ve Tried and the Confused Reactions They Received
Oct22

Not Sexy Halloween Costumes I’ve Tried and the Confused Reactions They Received

Halloween, as a young-ish adult, is generally about having fun, drinking, wearing tasteless costumes, and possibly sexing up the cutie with a (hopefully) fake head wound. That’s how we end up with sexy kitties, sexy doctors, and sexy Pikachus staggering down the street every October with a parade of Jokers, Wolverines, Scream masks, and zombies, all ultimately hoping for a spooky nooky (or spoopy noopy). With so much sexy, I try to...

Read More
Okay, Willy Wonka Might Not Have Eaten Them, But He Definitely Killed Those Kids
Oct21

Okay, Willy Wonka Might Not Have Eaten Them, But He Definitely Killed Those Kids

I, like you, love Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. There are the usual reasons of course – its airtight script, charming songs, clever dialogue, and wondrous cinematography, not to mention the central enchanting performance of Gene Wilder. But beyond these aspects is the intense level of detail present and how each time revisiting the film brings something new to the surface, whether it’s a character’s...

Read More
Welcome to Neckbeards Anonymous
Oct20

Welcome to Neckbeards Anonymous

Are you a neckbeard? Of course you’re not. But you might know one. Does he want to change his lifestyle? Of course he doesn’t. But he might know someone who does. Tell that guy that that guy you know knows about Neckbeards Anonymous, a support group for men who know they should know better. We have weekly meetings where we discuss our issues, our setbacks, and our sexually progressive success stories. Informal, nurturing, buddy buddy....

Read More
The Top 9 Avoidable National Tragedies, Had Every Civilian Been Carrying a Gun
Oct19

The Top 9 Avoidable National Tragedies, Had Every Civilian Been Carrying a Gun

1. Abraham Lincoln’s Assassination Theatergoer 1: John Wilkes Booth is making his way toward the president’s box with the intent to yell something in Latin! Theatergoer 2: Not on my watch.   2. Wall Street Crash of 1929 Stockbroker 1: My gun brings me such unbridled confidence, I believe I’ll invest another hundred thousand in the market. Stockbroker 2: Let’s all funnel more money into the already-stable...

Read More
Let’s Talk About Loot Boxes
Oct19

Let’s Talk About Loot Boxes

In what is surely genuinely shocking news, the gaming community is pissed off about something. Fortunately, this time the anger isn’t over girls getting their cooties all over games or because games have the gall to cast very fine people as the bad guys. Now the outrage is over the prevalence of loot boxes in games, and fear of the industry adopting a play-to-win mentality. Loot boxes vary slightly from game to game, but the basic...

Read More
A Defense, of Sorts, for Me Setting Your House on Fire
Oct18

A Defense, of Sorts, for Me Setting Your House on Fire

Of all the dismaying details from yesterday when I set your house on fire, none are more disturbing than this: you still can’t get over it. Come on. You’re acting like it happened yesterday, and it did happen yesterday, but that was almost 24 hours ago. News moves fast in 2017! We were eating dinner at your place and I said, “Hey, I bet I could light your whole house on fire with this one Cozy Sweater-scented Yankee candle.” You said...

Read More
Page 1 of 12712345...102030...Last »