Signs Your Hallmark Christmas Movie Character Is About to Be Replaced by a Well-Trained Dog
Dec12

Signs Your Hallmark Christmas Movie Character Is About to Be Replaced by a Well-Trained Dog

When the female lead returns to her hometown and heads to the local bar with her childhood girlfriends, you’re told that your meet-cute is actually when she sees you waiting out front by yourself. The first date scene is at the dog park and people keep stopping by to tell you have such a beautiful coat. (It’s just an old L.L. Bean chore jacket.) Your rustic log cabin has been replaced by a tiny A-frame house solely furnished with a...

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A Seemingly Existential Letter of Resignation From My Fidget Spinner
Dec04

A Seemingly Existential Letter of Resignation From My Fidget Spinner

Dear Human, I am writing to notify you that I am resigning from my position as your fidget spinner, effective two weeks from this date. I hope this notice provides adequate time for you to find a replacement for coping with your anxiety; perhaps actually starting your Lexapro prescription or not constantly refreshing your Twitter and Instagram will help. I must say, this was not an easy decision to make. By the way, did you ever watch...

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