Exclusive: Recordings From Inside the Trump White House
Oct12

Exclusive: Recordings From Inside the Trump White House

Recently, reports started circulating that White House staffers are now afraid their colleagues might be wearing wires to record conversations and turn them into the Robert Mueller investigation. The bad news for the White House staff is they’re right. But their bad news is your good news, as Robot Butt has gained access to some of these recordings to provide you with insights into the Trump White House: Attorney General Jeff...

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5 Predictions for Last Night’s ‘Game of Thrones,’ Which I Missed and Will Have to Watch Tonight
Jul17

5 Predictions for Last Night’s ‘Game of Thrones,’ Which I Missed and Will Have to Watch Tonight

One of the biggest phenomena in pop culture history is back: season seven of Game of Thrones! It’s been a year since the last season ended, and fans have been speculating as to what will come next, myself included. Of course, most fans remembered that the premiere was last night, and so they already know what is going down. Unfortunately I was not one of them, as I put a ball in an empty tissue box for my cat to play with and IT WAS...

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Let’s Agree ‘Snowflake’ Has Lost All Meaning as an Insult and Move the Fuck On
Jun21

Let’s Agree ‘Snowflake’ Has Lost All Meaning as an Insult and Move the Fuck On

Sometimes the Internet gives you a gift that you just do not know how to repay. That happened last week when during my routine perusing I came across a fantastic story where people got offended by a Spaceballs joke. In 2017! Here’s a quick recap. Adam Goldberg, creator of the show The Goldbergs, attempted to make a joke using a picture of a broken Dark Helmet figure and criticized the “broken” president and lamented how disappointed...

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100 Words or Less: On Easter
Apr16

100 Words or Less: On Easter

Dogmatically speaking, Easter is the most important of the Christian holidays. It is also heavy as shit. Even the scrubbed Sunday School telling has a good man accused of bogus crimes he is then brutally murdered for, after which his ghost comes back to advise his grieving friends how to carry on without him. The dark nature of the story is why we shove sugar down the throats of children, to distract them from the horrors of the...

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Fight the Patriarchy By Summoning the Ghosts of Feminism!
Feb21

Fight the Patriarchy By Summoning the Ghosts of Feminism!

Hey girls. Have you been wanting to commune with the dead, but are unable to because you just can’t handle how complicated and, let’s face it, drab Ouija boards are? Well great news! Now you can get your very own Ouija board for women! Obviously this was necessary, and to prove it here’s a list of all the reasons that having a separate Ouija board for the ladies is helpful: It prevents the spread of ghost cooties It goes fabulously...

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