100 Words or Less: On Groundhog Day
Feb02

100 Words or Less: On Groundhog Day

“Punxsutawney Phil has seen his shadow!” I read on my phone, a miniature super computer capable of presenting data from all over the world, and I am thankful we have this rodent to tell us what the weather will be. “What a time to be alive,” I write on Twitter, where I am connected to millions of people all over the globe simultaneously. “Truly we are blessed.”     More jokes, at no extra...

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Exclusive: Donald Trump’s Letter to Santa
Dec11

Exclusive: Donald Trump’s Letter to Santa

Santa, Wow. What a year. Can you believe it? I’m the president! The ultimate winner! Are you jealous? It’s okay, I know you are and I don’t blame you. I’m very much the greatest. Anyway, you’re probably wondering, with how great I am and, by the way, all the winning I’m doing, what else could I possibly want for Christmas? It’s a good question, really good question. People have been asking it. And while it’s true I already have a lot,...

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People Who Complain About ‘Political Correctness’ Are the Biggest Crybabies of All
Nov23

People Who Complain About ‘Political Correctness’ Are the Biggest Crybabies of All

Last weekend, we were treated to the spectacle of Mike Pence and the Theater Community. In case you missed it, Pence went to see the hit musical and soon-to-be-its-own-sentient-entity Hamilton. The audience then actively booed him. Considering this is a man who not only thinks you should be allowed to refuse the LGBT community service in your business, but that it’s totally cool to electrocute them until they are straighter than a...

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The New Adventures in Horror: ‘The Nightmare’
Oct22

The New Adventures in Horror: ‘The Nightmare’

Effective horror has to have some element of feeling real. That’s why The Blair Witch Project became such a phenomenon, why so many ghost and possession movies claim to be “based on actual events,” and why you never ever CGI blood. Give us something too outlandish, like serial-killing snowmen, and the fear dissipates. For me personally, it’s the reason why I find movies like The Strangers much more frightening than, say, Poltergeist....

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The New Adventures in Horror: ‘Creep’
Oct14

The New Adventures in Horror: ‘Creep’

Last year I wrote about ways the found footage genre of horror films could improve itself, because even though those movies are really easy to mock I love them and want to see them succeed. One of my suggestions had to do with making the antagonistic presence an actual character and not just a largely unseen purveyor of jump scares. The latter can absolutely work, but when it’s almost exclusively what these kinds of movies gravitate...

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