Ask Me About the All-New Apocalypse Diet!
Nov30

Ask Me About the All-New Apocalypse Diet!

If you’ve tried the South Beach and Paleo diets, only to be let down, then get ready for the fitness craze sweeping depressed homes across the nation – the all-new Apocalypse Diet! The Apocalypse Diet guarantees weight loss and decreased muscle tone, and all you have to do is continue to listen to the radio and watch the news. How does it work, you might ask? The Apocalypse Diet literally replaces your appetite with nausea and...

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A Critical Review of President Obama’s Most Recent Post-Massacre Address to the Nation
Aug19

A Critical Review of President Obama’s Most Recent Post-Massacre Address to the Nation

As an avid post-massacre speech enthusiast, I approached President Obama’s latest address with an open mind. I really wanted to like it. Unfortunately, I felt that it drew too much on his past post-massacre speeches. To be fair, I’m sure after revisiting the same idea repeatedly, it must be really difficult not to just rehash the exact same approach every time. Still, it pains me to say that it just felt sort of forced this time...

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The Barometric Pressure Just Dropped So I’m Going to Need the Rest of the Day Off
May24

The Barometric Pressure Just Dropped So I’m Going to Need the Rest of the Day Off

Heyyy. Do you have a second? Look, I was just sitting at my desk, trying to concentrate on those files you emailed me and realized that I like, totally can’t even think straight right now. I mean, blah! So, I went ahead a looked at the nautical app on my phone and it turns out that the barometric pressure just plummeted in our region. I know it’s not a highly recognized thing, but I’m like, completely useless when there’s a dip in...

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