I Really Wish I Hadn’t Silently Hawked Up a Loogie Right Before You Went in for a Kiss
Jan09

I Really Wish I Hadn’t Silently Hawked Up a Loogie Right Before You Went in for a Kiss

I tried Mucinex, but could still feel slime inching its way down the back of my throat in a way that calls to mind the drippy descent of Nickelodeon Gak down a wall. I could wallpaper George Clooney’s ego with the amount of balled-up unused tissues I’m carrying around in my whimsically fun (but SUPER functional) Betsey Johnson hobo bag, and I could wallpaper Trump’s with all the ones that have the corner rolled to a point to coax...

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With Trump’s New Santa Clause, Terms and Conditions May Apply
Dec15

With Trump’s New Santa Clause, Terms and Conditions May Apply

With the holiday season barreling upon us like a stampede of Black Friday shoppers hurtling each other for a $7 doorbuster, it’s been particularly difficult keeping up with the constant insanity that is this administration. It has been SO crazy, in fact, that each one of these is a link to a different crazy story. I could easily hyperlink this entire piece, word for word, but searching for those twenty was so anxiety-inducingly easy,...

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Crafty DIY Gift Ideas I’ve Tried So You Don’t Have To
Dec11

Crafty DIY Gift Ideas I’ve Tried So You Don’t Have To

1. Plarn Anything Save those shopping bags! Thousands of them. Because that’s how many you’re going to need to make that new rug/bag/potholder. Keep in mind that plastic melts, or you’ll end up scraping stubborn bits of plastic off the bottom of your hot coffee mug, or that pot you absentmindedly used the – uh – pot holder for. Once you have enough bags to warrant a Hoarders-style intervention, cut the bags into strips,...

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Not Sexy Halloween Costumes I’ve Tried and the Confused Reactions They Received
Oct22

Not Sexy Halloween Costumes I’ve Tried and the Confused Reactions They Received

Halloween, as a young-ish adult, is generally about having fun, drinking, wearing tasteless costumes, and possibly sexing up the cutie with a (hopefully) fake head wound. That’s how we end up with sexy kitties, sexy doctors, and sexy Pikachus staggering down the street every October with a parade of Jokers, Wolverines, Scream masks, and zombies, all ultimately hoping for a spooky nooky (or spoopy noopy). With so much sexy, I try to...

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