Author: Rarlock Warner

Rarlock Warner is a freelance scarer with 17 years of experience. Previously, he served as a consultant at The Sinistor Group, where he developed creative chaos solutions for clients such as ExxonMorbid, Beast Buy, and Wells Fargo. When he's not chasing children through the woods, Mr. Warner enjoys slam poetry and surfing.

As a professional monster, I take pride in my appearance. I make sure my nails are free of dirt and the splattered blood on my fitted suit is fresh, all in the hopes of coming home from a hard night at work safe in the knowledge that I’ve struck fear into a handful of hearts. Three hearts, to be exact. I’ve measured. Imagine my surprise to wake up one night to find that the source of a nation’s collective traumatization is a clown. A single being has paralyzed millions with a fear that I couldn’t inflict in my wildest nightmares,…

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