Congratulations, you are the owner of a brand-new house in a swanky subdivision by the airport. Wow, two tone-paint, luxury vinyl tile, sapling-lined streets – and only a seven-hour commute to work! But here’s the best part: Your beautiful new house also comes with its very own ghost. Meet Jeremy, the ghost of a disgruntled Kmart sales associate who bludgeoned his shift supervisor to death with a garden gnome in 1992. Oh, did the realtor forget to mention that? Anyway, here are the signs your new house is built on the ruins of a Big Kmart with a BAD history:…
Author: Patricia Grant
Patricia Grant
Patricia Grant is an internet writer whose work has appeared on Splitsider, Weekly Humorist, The Higgs Weldon, Twitter and many other very fine and highly-esteemed online establishments.
1. Do you have thick, green orificial discharge? 2. Are you experiencing projectile vomiting? 3. Do you have body aches, e.g., does your neck hurt like it’s been twisted into an unnatural position? 4. Do you have diarrhea? 5. Are you experiencing episodes of levitation? 6. Is your skin pale? 7. Do you have a fever? 8. Do you have dark rings around your eyes? 9. Have you experienced episodes of exhibitionism, e.g., public masturbation? 10. Did the illness first manifest as your imaginary friend Captain Howdy? 11. Do you have a raspy, distorted voice? 12. Do you have foul,…