Cute Diseases to Catch on the Subway That Scream ‘New Year, New Me!’
Dec31

Cute Diseases to Catch on the Subway That Scream ‘New Year, New Me!’

It’s that time of year again. It’s the time when we reflect on the past year, and make resolutions for the year ahead. So why not ruin your holiday season? The halls are decked, the trees are trimmed, and if you touch the pole on the subway, you are going to be bedridden for a week. Here are some of this season’s hottest diseases that’ll have you wishing you were dead. Norovirus Aka the common stomach virus. What better way to ring in...

Read More
They Got Rid of Confederate Statues, So I Became a Confederate Soldier
Aug31

They Got Rid of Confederate Statues, So I Became a Confederate Soldier

First they came for my flag, and I said nothing. Then they came for my culture, and I said nothing. But when they came for my statues, I became a Confederate soldier. As a white person, this year has been really hard. Ever since Obama took away my rights, life has been a living hell. When the liberals started calling out the Confederate flags on my property, I was so hurt that I had to defend my Southern culture. Sure, I’ve lived in...

Read More
Chris Christie Stole a Beach, So I Stole an Entire Grocery Aisle of Tampons
Jul28

Chris Christie Stole a Beach, So I Stole an Entire Grocery Aisle of Tampons

New Jersey governor Chris Christie’s blatant abuse of power may have ruined my holiday weekend, but I refused to let his actions ruin my holiday spirit. Sometimes the best revenge is beating the villain at his own game. With every Christie sitting-on-the-beach meme grew my need to avenge this nautical nightmare. That’s why I stole every tampon from the shelves of my local Stop & Shop, because that’ll show him. The sweet high of...

Read More