2017 Oscar Movie Reviews and Predictions From the Guy Who Watched EVERYTHING
Feb26

2017 Oscar Movie Reviews and Predictions From the Guy Who Watched EVERYTHING

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! The culmination of all the most spectacular achievements in cinema in the last calendar rotation, the results of which will likely make you wonder why you even take the time to view this overly long masturbatory parade. (It’s because you love movies, idiot. And right now it’s the best option available.) Costume Design I’m always at a loss when “judging” this...

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Gird Your Loins for Week Three in the NFL With These Ten Matchups
Sep23

Gird Your Loins for Week Three in the NFL With These Ten Matchups

1. Oakland Raiders at Tennessee Titans Raiders: Need to hope their defense can catch up to the offensive success they’ve had in the first two weeks. Titans: Hope that Oakland QB Derek Carr lets his brother David suit up in his place to “lose one for old time’s sake.”   2. Detroit Lions at Green Bay Packers Lions: Match last year’s success of snapping a 24-game road losing streak to the Packers with pressure on the...

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2016 Oscar Movie Reviews and Predictions From the Guy Who Watched EVERYTHING
Feb28

2016 Oscar Movie Reviews and Predictions From the Guy Who Watched EVERYTHING

It’s Oscar day, and I’m so very, very tired. I don’t know why I always make the effort to get through every nominee. At best, I usually respectfully disagree with the Academy’s choices. At worst, I find myself dumbfounded/angry/vengeful (I’m looking at you, Argo). The ceremony itself is more often than not an overlong, self-indulgent shitshow. But in the end, the Oscars are like family: I didn’t choose them, and I don’t always respect...

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Read This: ‘You Might Remember Me: The Life and Times of Phil Hartman’
Nov04

Read This: ‘You Might Remember Me: The Life and Times of Phil Hartman’

You Might Remember Me is the latest of the tragic Saturday Night Live biographies. A special emphasis on the word “might” is what makes it particularly tragic. Phil Hartman remains one of the most underrated cast members in the show’s history; seeing how he never quite achieved movie-star status and his Simpsons characters have been retired for more than a decade, it is entirely possible that he may fall into obscurity. I...

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