14 Ways in Which Sarah McLachlan Helps Abandoned Animals Outside of Promotional Videos for the ASPCA

Sarah McLachlan ASPCA

1. Sarah McLachlan volunteers at local soup kitchens for homeless people but secretly spoons most of the soup into a large plastic bag which she then takes out back to give to homeless dogs.

2. Whenever Sarah McLachlan stops by her local party store, if she sees a homeless dog sleeping outside, she will buy it beer.

3. When buying toys to donate for the “Toys for Tots” program, Sarah McLachlan always buys chew toys so the needy children will have to give up the toys to their local homeless dogs. (This also has the added benefit of teaching the needy children the gift of giving, which Sarah McLachlan thinks is important.)

4. When the Boston Red Sox made it to the World Series in 2004, Sarah McLachlan bought out an entire row of seats along the third base line for homeless dogs to watch the game. Sarah McLachlan didn’t attend because she hates baseball.

5. If Sarah McLachlan purchases a used car, she always gets a pet-friendly car good for homeless dogs, like a 2013 Ford Explorer or a 1979 Chevrolet El Camino.

6. Ever since the release of her second album Solace in 1991, all maracas and xylophones on subsequent records by Sarah McLachlan have been played by talented homeless dogs.

7. When she was just a girl in Nova Scotia, a young Sarah McLachlan was presented with a terrifying real-life version of the “trolley problem” moral thought experiment: she could either let a speeding train run over five humans tied to the track in its path, or pull a lever and divert the train to a track where only one homeless dog was tied down, thus sparing the humans but killing the dog. Afterward, she named the dog “Lionel” and made it soup.

8. Whenever Sarah McLachlan crosses the border into the U.S. from Mexico, she always smuggles in three to four homeless Chihuahuas so that they can have a better life in America.

9. A namesake scholarship for homeless dogs has been setup by Sarah McLachlan at her alma mater, the Nova Scotia College of Art and Design, to study architecture.

10. Sarah McLachlan once paid $79,835 in 2009 to the National Star Registry to name a star after each of the homeless dogs in Nova Scotia.

11. In her will, Sarah McLachlan states that upon her death all of her assets and properties shall be liquidated into cash reserves to be transferred over to the most desperate of the homeless dogs and that her lifeless body be flung into a pit to serve as a feast for the hungriest of the homeless dogs.

12. Once back in 2000, Sarah McLachlan played a benefit concert in Seattle and raised more than $4,000 that was used to purchase nearly 800 gallons of hot, fresh soup for the local homeless dog shelter.

13. In 1997, Sarah McLachlan paid for a promotional outdoor screening of the film Air Bud for over 17,000 homeless dogs. Homeless children were allowed to watch through a hole in the fence.

14. Sarah McLachlan has testified in a court of law that she has never once worn a coat made out of homeless dog furs and has repeatedly refused offers of such coats.

 

 




Michael Ferro

Author: Michael Ferro

Michael A. Ferro's debut novel, TITLE 13, will be published by Harvard Square Editions in February 2018. He has received an Honorable Mention from Glimmer Train for their New Writers Award and been nominated for the Pushcart Prize. His fiction and humor writing has appeared in numerous journals in both print and online. Born and bred in Detroit, Michael has lived, worked, and written throughout the American Midwest. He's not a big fan of other Midwests. Additional information can be found at www.michaelaferro.com.

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