LOS ANGELES – Shocking news came out of Hollywood today as beloved actor Tom Hanks reportedly exposed himself to a number of people as the benefactor of local non-profit The Hunger Initiative.
For the twenty-year history of the non-profit, which feeds thousands of homeless citizens and children per year, no one knew who was fronting the costs of the operation. According to reports, Hanks walked into the organization’s headquarters this morning and flashed his checkbook.
“I received an anonymous letter in 1998 offering to fund my fledgling organization in perpetuity,” said executive director Sandra Winegarten. “To have Mr. Hanks expose himself like that to all of us without warning…it was beyond shocking.”
For everyone in the office, the news was hard to digest. “Frankly, I’m appalled no one told us about this before. I grew up watching his movies,” said Karen Tweeden, an employee at The Hunger Initiative. “What a wonderful man.”
At press time, Hanks was receiving a tour of the non-profit, with no one seemingly noticing or caring to mention the necklace of recently severed tongues hanging around his neck.