The Reason Why I, a Very Stable Genius, Am Sitting Butt Naked in the Middle of the Freeway

Naked Freeway Man

I am like, really smart.

Anybody who knows me will tell you the exact same thing. And though I know I am very smart, I feel I need to make this very clear because I have many enemies spreading lies about me and the reasons why I am currently standing in the middle of the freeway butt naked, screaming to all of the stopped cars and onlookers my warnings about the inter-dimensional opening of the Fourth Parallel.

I don’t expect you to understand why I’m doing this, or even why I’m here on the overpass completely naked. As a very stable genius, it would be beneath me to try and explain all of my motives to someone as simple as yourself. However, because of the disinformation campaign against me, I feel it’s necessary to ensure you are at least adequately warned of the impending blood feud among the beings entering our dimension.

You see, Granthar IV of the Night Realm has retrieved the last medallion needed to control the inter-dimensional drift, and his intentions are unclear at best, apocalyptic at worst. Known mostly as a trickster throughout the fourteen parallel realms, if you can count on anything, you can count on Granthar IV being wholly unpredictable – and potentially genocidal. And because I consult myself first on matters of inter-dimensional warfare because I have a very good brain, I figured out his plans before anyone else, and I am going to stop him.

Oh, you’d like to know why telling you this information requires me to be naked, save for my socks, in the middle of the freeway, interrupting your precious, though insignificant, day? That’s like a Ramulor trying to ask a Grimlee why the hedrix requires the blood of a Screef calf. Do you understand now?

There isn’t much time left, but I will continue to fight for the forgotten people of our realm until everyone is “falling in love” with our plan to defeat Granthar IV. I am about RESULTS. For all those who dare to question why I continue to stop traffic here, stark naked and ferociously waving my penis to get everyone’s attention, and choose to believe the fake news campaign against me, I will shed no tears for you should you end up as members of Granthar IV’s eternal slave force.




Steve DiMatteo

Author: Steve DiMatteo

Steve is an editor for Robot Butt. You can follow him on Twitter @steve_dimatteo.

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