Holiday Greeting Suggestions for Starbucks Baristas

Starbucks Coffee

Due to ongoing concerns about offending our customers through the “holiday season” by saying “Merry Christmas,” we at Starbucks decided to ask our baristas for greeting suggestions, which could then go on our holiday mugs.

As “merry” symbolizes enjoyment and being of good cheer, we asked that they include it. Homophones and malapropisms were acceptable – within reason. To get their creative juices flowing, we even prepared a “specially formulated” eggnog!

Here are the results:

  • Merry Crickets
  • Merry Chickpeas
  • Merry Chickenpox
  • Merry Hay While the Sun Shines
  • Hairy Chihuahuas Bark at Santa If He Forgets Their Treats!
  • Merry Fruitcakes
  • Merry Skullduggery
  • Merry Eggnog
  • Merry Egg. Egg. Eggnoggery!
  • Merry Elves Have Drunk All the Eggnog
  • Merry Kiss My Ass
  • Merry Whatever…
  • Merry Whatever You Celebrate
  • Merry Whatever the Fudge You Celebrate
  • Merry Whatever the Fuck You Celebrate
  • Mary’s Cheeks Are Rosy Because She Drinks Too Much Eggnog
  • Mary Is Pissed Off Because Everyone Accuses Her of Drinking Too Much Eggnog
  • Mary Is Pissed Off Because Not Only Does Everyone Accuse Her of Drinking Too Much Eggnog, She Can’t Say Merry Christmas!
  • What the Merry Fuck Was in That Eggnog?

 

 




Ronia Smits

Author: Ronia Smits

Ragna (Ronia) Smits is an Anglo-American writer, artist and cat guardian who grew up in England, the Middle East and Africa. Her humor and salty satire have appeared in The Yellow Ham and Defenestration. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband (and other wildlife).

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