Other Things That Are My Favorite, According to Donald Trump’s Definition of ‘Favorite’

Dawson Leery Dawsons Creek

“We should have a contest as to which of the Networks, plus CNN and not including Fox, is the most dishonest, corrupt and/or distorted in its political coverage of your favorite President (me). They are all bad. Winner to receive the FAKE NEWS TROPHY!”- @realDonaldTrump

1. Yellow Starburst®

2. The sound of a fork scraping the bottom of a pot

3. Stray Band-Aids on the sidewalk

4. How Dawson Leery from Dawson’s Creek always ruined everything because he was so selfish

5. When I try to track my shipment and it says it “left the carrier facility” four days ago with no updates

6. When robocalls leave voicemails

7. When real humans leave voicemails

8. The ending of Gone Girl, which I’m still stewing over

9. The centipede that I found tangled up in my loofah once

10. The time my big toenail got ripped off

11. The tantrum Dawson threw when he found out about Pacey and Joey’s very real and game-changing romance

12. Voter suppression

13. Third-degree burns

14. All of the shooting deaths this year

15. Famine

16. Trying to guess how this imminent nuclear war might turn out

17. Ebola

18. Pathological liars who are probably mediocre at golf and only do things for their own personal gain (even if it is at the expense of the happiness of others)*

*That last one is about Donald Trump, but also Dawson, whom Donald probably admires.

 

 




Mary Beth Kolbicz

Author: Mary Beth Kolbicz

Mary Beth Kolbicz is a comedy writer, performer, and former party bus driver in the Detroit area. Ask her about her favorite TV shows sometime, if you have seventeen hours to spare. Follow Mary Beth on Twitter @ShmaryShmeth.

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