Man Wakes Up From 17-Year Coma Speaking Fluent Smash Mouth
Nov30

Man Wakes Up From 17-Year Coma Speaking Fluent Smash Mouth

BOSTON – Yesterday, Mark Evans woke up from a coma more than seventeen years after a horrific car crash that almost claimed his life speaking fluent Smash Mouth. The 35-year-old woke up with bed sores and said to a nearby nurse, “Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me.” The nurse adjusted his bedding then quickly contacted his family. When asked about the accident that led to his coma, Mark explained “I...

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The Top 5 Tips for Your Gender Reveal Party, a Totally Not Creepy Thing
Nov29

The Top 5 Tips for Your Gender Reveal Party, a Totally Not Creepy Thing

It’s almost time to see  –  what’s it going to be? An ambitious little he, or a bossy little she? What’s in store for your your bundle of joy? Will it be hair bows or bow ties? Glitter or guns? Earning seventy-seven cents on the dollar or dying early of a stroke? Finding out is a joyful moment that you’ll definitely want to share with family, friends, Carol from your car pool – the list goes on! Here are some ideas to make...

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Explaining to My Wife’s Coworker That I Found a $10 Million Photo of Billy the Kid at a Garage Sale for a Living
Nov28

Explaining to My Wife’s Coworker That I Found a $10 Million Photo of Billy the Kid at a Garage Sale for a Living

The man in the wrinkled, short-sleeve button-up sighs over his beer. It’s been a hell of a week, he says. The boss man, a real task master, has been riding him like a chairlift since Tuesday. TGIF, and plus it’s an especially tense time, what with the holidays coming up and all. Budgets never take a vacation, but such is the life of an accountant. Numbers, his father warned, they make a cruel mistress. The three-day weekend, at least,...

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God Announces Recall Notice for Men
Nov27

God Announces Recall Notice for Men

HEAVEN – Citing significant safety concerns, about 3.4 billion human males were recalled last week by Heaven’s Department of Product Safety. With numerous harassment incidents coming to light, God has mandated that the department begin an immediate recall before men can inflict more harm on human females and the few human males not affected by the recall. While the scale of this recall is unprecedented, according to the recall...

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Man Camping Out for Black Friday in Front of Computer
Nov24

Man Camping Out for Black Friday in Front of Computer

CEDAR FALLS, Iowa – Hoping to get a jumpstart on the holiday shopping season, Gerald Colsen has already begun camping in front of his home computer with the hopes of grabbing the best Black Friday deals. “It’s really important to be prepared early,” Gerald said while bundled up in a winter jacket with matching hat and gloves. “There are so many different sites you need to hit, and the web traffic is always horrendous.” Sitting...

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