Graphic Tees That *Actually* Define My Mid-Twenties
Nov18

Graphic Tees That *Actually* Define My Mid-Twenties

We all have those positive, empowering graphic tees like “Peace, Love, Music,” “Wake, Pray, Slay,” and (my personal fave) “Good Vibes Only.” After all, positive words on my bod prove to the world that, yes, I have my shit together at all times, and yes, I am sending those passing by ~vibes~ because I have all the ~~vibes~~ to give, am-I-right?! For those moments when our $40 inspo cotton tees do not reflect the mental breakdowns that...

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Let’s Talk About How EA Fucked Up the ‘Star Wars Battlefront II’ Loot Boxes
Nov17

Let’s Talk About How EA Fucked Up the ‘Star Wars Battlefront II’ Loot Boxes

Just a couple weeks ago I wrote about how loot boxes got a worse rap than they deserved, and that most major games balance the ways you can unlock content so that while you can pay to do things faster, it doesn’t feel like a necessity. Well, I guess EA heard that and said “Hey, let’s make Tim look like an idiot.” As their new Star Wars game Battlefront II nears release, it has become very clear that they got drunk, took a shit on the...

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100 Words or Less: On Whatever It Is Tom Hanks Is Hiding
Nov17

100 Words or Less: On Whatever It Is Tom Hanks Is Hiding

What are you hiding, Tom Hanks? It’s something big. Peepholes in the SNL dressing rooms? A suitcase full of faces? Dog meat side business? Secret hug closet? World’s biggest snuff film collection? Walt Disney’s head? Adolf Hitler’s head? Both? Both, and you make them kiss? Dendrophilia? Skeleton basement? Nine copies of a book entitled They Were Just Following Orders? Zodiac Killer Etsy shop? The eighteen missing minutes from the...

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Beyond ‘Beyond Aiden & Ava’: The Top 10 Baby Names Right This Second
Nov16

Beyond ‘Beyond Aiden & Ava’: The Top 10 Baby Names Right This Second

Aunt – Short nouns have been hot baby names for a while, but your sister already named her kid after your Great Aunt Pearl. Double down and claim straight-up Aunt for your very own now while you still can! Begin – On the other hand, why not transcend the nouns-as-names trend altogether? Secure your spot on the baby-naming cutting edge with a verb that will ring out over the playground with originality and urgency! Dada...

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Very Reasonable Gifts That Drake Is Collecting for His Yet-To-Be Identified Soulmate
Nov15

Very Reasonable Gifts That Drake Is Collecting for His Yet-To-Be Identified Soulmate

Drake recently revealed that he has been collecting Birkin bags for years, a gift for “the woman I end up with.” Which got me thinking – what else is he collecting for his eventual soulmate? One Mid-Tier Birkin Bag: $20,000 500 Cashmere Turtlenecks: $75,000 Napoleon Bonaparte’s Stolen Penis Purchased From the Daughter of a New Jersey Urologist: $100,000 First Edition Copy of Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone:...

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