MILWAUKEE – Citing a barrage of photos and several eyewitness accounts, Facebook users were able to confirm today that a Slenderman at an area Halloween party was indeed fat.
“After carefully examining the attendee, Brian Saxon, from several angles within photos made available to us, we can confidently rule out any deceptive lighting,” said social media user Keith Burgett. “And while the camera does add ten pounds, that simply can’t account for what we’re seeing here today.”
“Maybe he was trying for some other character, though,” Burgett allowed.
Fellow partygoer Sara Denning offered clarification: “Oh, he was definitely Slenderman. Brian just loves that urban legend, so we all knew what he was, even though…you know…”
While the character of Slenderman is traditionally depicted as having a svelte frame, long arms, and standing between six and eight feet in height, the squat, 5’9” Saxon was apparently undeterred.
Following the discovery of the photos, Facebook users became aware that in the weeks leading up to the party, Saxon had remarked to numerous individuals that he had lost several pounds recently, telling one friend he was “starting to look like a beanpole.”
“You hear something like that, it’s enough to make you just comment ‘Sweet costume!’ and scroll on past,” Burgett said. “It’s heartbreaking.”
Those familiar with Saxon’s Slenderman costume say that while they understand the controversy, it’s nothing compared to when a much trimmer Saxon tried to pull off a Fred Flintstone costume in college.