7 Fall Outfits to Make You Forget Bikini Season Ever Existed

Girl in Autumn Leaves

1. Your Dad’s Overstretched College Sweater

Search the bottom of that box in the garage for your father’s old college sweater. Once you get past the “is that ketchup or a blood stain?” moment, that knit piece of memorabilia will cover up any shame you felt trying to fit into those cheek-less blue bottoms at the lake on Memorial Day.

2. A Leaf Pile

Forget the fact you just spent three months basking in the sun and lather yourself in Mother Nature’s greatest treasures, which are aplenty this time of year. The ants that will cover your body searching for sustenance will make you forget about that one piece you tried to squeeze into back in July.

3. Corn Husks

Who needs to save up to buy that strapless designer thing when you can cover your entire body in corn husks? Not only are they fashionable and warm, they can double as your Halloween costume when you decide to go as a scarecrow. Fiscally smart, fashionably doable.

4. A Rotting Pumpkin

Summer made you focus so hard on your body, but fall is the time to focus on your head. Take a chance to emphasize other areas of your figure. Nothing says “Excuse me, my eyes are up here” like a rotting pumpkin surrounding your head.

5. Stale Candy Corn

You wouldn’t even go near candy to achieve that perfect bod during the hottest months of the year. Now that fall is here, you can go in and around it, as the hottest trend will be sticking it all over your body for that tri-colored wax look.

6. The Ashes of a Bonfire

Wasn’t it so annoying to have that perfect tan all summer long? Now with one coat of bonfire ashes, you can enjoy the same dark, sexy look you damn near gave yourself cancer over for an entire fall season.

7. Pumpkin Spice Latte

It’s good to be trendy, and even though you couldn’t pull off that one shoulder look over the summer, you CAN get in on the annual fall trend of adding a little spice to your life. Pour a piping hot cup of the favorite Starbuck’s blend over yourself, and you’ll never feel more fashionable or like taking a trip to the hospital for third-degree burns.



Clay Beyersdorfer

Author: Clay Beyersdorfer

Clay Beyersdorfer is a writer specializing in humor and copywriting living in Chicago, Illinois. He can be seen attempting to achieve stardom at any open mic he can find in the Windy City, where he tackles issues like the overprivileged white male, sports ball, and life as a person who willingly and openly chose to working in advertising. Clay has studied stand-up and writing at The Second City in Chicago. Because he is a former Army sergeant, you can usually find Clay screaming himself hoarse while waiting in line at your local VA Hospital, or playing with his bulldog, Blue.

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