1. Your Dad’s Overstretched College Sweater
Search the bottom of that box in the garage for your father’s old college sweater. Once you get past the “is that ketchup or a blood stain?” moment, that knit piece of memorabilia will cover up any shame you felt trying to fit into those cheek-less blue bottoms at the lake on Memorial Day.
2. A Leaf Pile
Forget the fact you just spent three months basking in the sun and lather yourself in Mother Nature’s greatest treasures, which are aplenty this time of year. The ants that will cover your body searching for sustenance will make you forget about that one piece you tried to squeeze into back in July.
3. Corn Husks
Who needs to save up to buy that strapless designer thing when you can cover your entire body in corn husks? Not only are they fashionable and warm, they can double as your Halloween costume when you decide to go as a scarecrow. Fiscally smart, fashionably doable.
4. A Rotting Pumpkin
Summer made you focus so hard on your body, but fall is the time to focus on your head. Take a chance to emphasize other areas of your figure. Nothing says “Excuse me, my eyes are up here” like a rotting pumpkin surrounding your head.
5. Stale Candy Corn
You wouldn’t even go near candy to achieve that perfect bod during the hottest months of the year. Now that fall is here, you can go in and around it, as the hottest trend will be sticking it all over your body for that tri-colored wax look.
6. The Ashes of a Bonfire
Wasn’t it so annoying to have that perfect tan all summer long? Now with one coat of bonfire ashes, you can enjoy the same dark, sexy look you damn near gave yourself cancer over for an entire fall season.
7. Pumpkin Spice Latte
It’s good to be trendy, and even though you couldn’t pull off that one shoulder look over the summer, you CAN get in on the annual fall trend of adding a little spice to your life. Pour a piping hot cup of the favorite Starbuck’s blend over yourself, and you’ll never feel more fashionable or like taking a trip to the hospital for third-degree burns.