9 Clean Energy Alternatives to Nightmare Fuel
Oct31

9 Clean Energy Alternatives to Nightmare Fuel

Tidal Power (That’s Calling From Inside the House!) It’s saving you a ton, but your house is terribly flooded. Also your basement is now inhabited by some sort of lagoon creature (probably the one who got a hold of the phone)! A Barrel of Flex Fuel Under a White Sheet With Two Eye Holes Cut Out Why it donned this spooky regalia is unclear. As if the very notion of this bastard Frankenstein born of two fuels wasn’t terrifying...

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Spooky Boyfriend Story
Oct31

Spooky Boyfriend Story

Stop me if you’ve heard this one. There were these teenagers and they were makin’ out in a car, okay, and it’s wooded and dark and secluded, and there was a serial killer on the loose. They hear a car pull up behind them and they see the car turn off the headlights. The dude turns to his lady friend and is like “Don’t worry bae, I got this. But whatever you do, don’t get out of the car or go peeping...

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Trump Assures Base Nation Will Be Wishing Trick-or-Treaters ‘Merry Christmas’ From Now On
Oct31
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Slenderman at Halloween Party Pretty Fat
Oct31

Slenderman at Halloween Party Pretty Fat

MILWAUKEE – Citing a barrage of photos and several eyewitness accounts, Facebook users were able to confirm today that a Slenderman at an area Halloween party was indeed fat. “After carefully examining the attendee, Brian Saxon, from several angles within photos made available to us, we can confidently rule out any deceptive lighting,” said social media user Keith Burgett. “And while the camera does add ten pounds, that simply...

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An Open Letter to the Phantom of the Opera From an Extremely Concerned Viewer
Oct31

An Open Letter to the Phantom of the Opera From an Extremely Concerned Viewer

Dear Phantom (of the Opera), Last week, a friend took me to see your play for the first time. I’ve spent the days since ceaselessly revisiting each moment in my head, attempting to make sense of it all. Alas, after hours of careful character deconstruction, I’m somehow infinitely more confused and concerned. Phantom, I feel I’m left with no option other than to simply ask: What’s with your “entire deal,” man? To start, you live...

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