Bridge Jumper Must Not Care If People Late for Work

Los Angeles Traffic

LOS ANGELES – Expressing frustration that traffic had been stopped for over thirty minutes, commuters Wednesday morning reportedly surmised that the person considering jumping from the I-110 overpass must not care at all if people are late to work.

“You’d think he’d have the consideration to take his life at night or on a Saturday,” said 32-year-old accountant Jennifer Robinson. “That jerk has been sitting up there with his legs over the railing for a half-hour now, and traffic hasn’t moved an inch. I’m sorry, but some of us have jobs to get to.”

“This is just great,” remarked 45-year old business analyst Steven Dunn. “Now I won’t have time to order my morning breakfast sandwich. My first meeting of the day is going to be on an empty stomach because this asshole feels like he has nothing left to live for.”

First responders at the scene told reporters that despite their best efforts, people don’t always make it into the office. “Every month, someone who’s life is in shambles debates ending it by smashing against the pavement below,” lamented EMT Greg Harden. “Then we’re the ones who have to inform these poor drivers that they’ll have to find another route to work.”

“It’s the most difficult part of my job,” he added.

At the time traffic resumed, the jumper could not be reached for comment.



Robot Butt News Corp.

Author: Robot Butt News Corp.

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