Tom Price Resigns to Spend More Money With Family
Sep29

Tom Price Resigns to Spend More Money With Family

WASHINGTON – Tom Price, Secretary of the U.S. Health and Human Services Department, resigned today, claiming that he wished to take some time off and spend more money with his family. Secretary Price stated that he came to the realization that resigning from his position was far easier than paying back all of the taxpayer money he had used to fund expensive vacations for his family. “With all of the money we have saved, I think...

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Texts From Your Friend Watching All of ‘Friday Night Lights’ Before Netflix Removes It
Sep28

Texts From Your Friend Watching All of ‘Friday Night Lights’ Before Netflix Removes It

Finally watching that football show you like that you swear is “not about football” [eye roll emoji] Is Riggins the hot one that everyone on Tumblr is obsessed with? I mean, I get it, would bang Oh wait how old is he, there’s no way any of these actors are younger than 23, right Wow Julie Taylor is kind of the worst, huh? If Tim Riggins hooks up with this one hot librarian-looking neighbor, I am OUT OMG HE TOTALLY BANGED HER, ARE YOU...

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Phillie Phanatic Becomes First Mascot to Take a Shower During National Anthem
Sep28

Phillie Phanatic Becomes First Mascot to Take a Shower During National Anthem

PHILADELPHIA – Amid the rising tensions between the world of sports and President Donald Trump, the Phillie Phanatic became the first mascot to take a shower during the singing of the National Anthem on Wednesday. “With everything going on in the world right now, he felt he just had to do something,” said Phillies general manager Matt Klentak. “We support him 100 percent. The Phanatic has long represented the true spirit...

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As a Mother and Charmin Bear, I’m Resisting the Country Bears’ Agenda of Hate
Sep27

As a Mother and Charmin Bear, I’m Resisting the Country Bears’ Agenda of Hate

I never considered myself a political animal. My philosophy has always been “all carnivoran mammals of the family Ursidae are created equal.” Is that a political statement? To me, that’s just how I was raised. But ever since the election…ugh. Don’t get me started. I still refuse to call Henry the Country Bear “President.” Puhleeze – a third-rate animatronic Magic Kingdom Jamboree host? It kills me that Mama Berenstain Bear...

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5 Times You Could Almost See Willis Tower When You Whimsically Stared Out Your Window With a Sense of Wonder
Sep25

5 Times You Could Almost See Willis Tower When You Whimsically Stared Out Your Window With a Sense of Wonder

One of the best ways to feel inspired and self-reflect is staring whimsically out your window with a sense of wonder, and here are the five times you could almost see the Willis Tower while doing so! 1) When you had just moved to a new city to pursue your dream Leaving all your friends and family behind is not easy. You sat by your first floor apartment’s window with a hot cup of tea and sighed heavily, feeling a little anxious and a...

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