Scientists Warn ‘Avatar’ Quintilogy Could Happen in Our Lifetime

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BOSTON – On Tuesday, research scientists at MIT, in conjunction with representatives from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, released a startling report indicating that an Avatar quintilogy could occur much sooner than previously feared.

During a decade-long study measuring a variety of factors ranging from the prevalence of 3D in the entertainment marketplace to James Cameron’s pigheadedness to the number of Avatar posters found in college dorm rooms, researchers began to realize that previous projection models were drastically off-base.

The project’s lead scientist, Dr. Kathleen Millan, elaborates: “For years, the prospect of an Avatar quintilogy was something found only in the writings of the most alarmist of scientists, or the Facebook posts of the most unbearable of filmgoers. But the terrifying truth is they were right.”

“An Avatar quintilogy is coming. It’s all just a matter of when.”

Though scientists originally believed an Avatar trilogy would be the worst-case scenario for humanity, in recent years the possibility for a quadrilogy and then quintilogy began to be accepted. In fact, as Variety reported last year, 95 percent of researchers in the Avatar field now believe a quintilogy is inevitable, with some projecting its first stages coming as soon as 2020.

“We’ve got some dark days ahead,” Millan said during a press conference. “James Cameron may be on his way to an editing bay right now, a tipping point scientists have long warned might be considered the point of no return.”

The project’s researchers warn that the impact of an Avatar quintilogy could be catastrophic, bringing about a glut of CGI imitators, more conversations about the pitfalls of style over substance, a host of insufferable Halloween costumes, and further work for Sam Worthington.

Though perhaps most troubling they say is the possibility of an Avatar quintilogy launching a new shared universe.

“Considering the current blockbuster culture, a shared universe is a distinct possibility,” Millan said. “But shared with what? We just don’t know. And no one wants to see Terminator get dragged into this.”

Despite the recent findings, many Avatar scientists are concerned their warnings won’t spur the necessary action needed to have any effect, fears which may be well-founded. As of this writing, twenty-three IMAX theaters throughout the U.S. have reported an influx of tents and shantytowns populated by movie fans covered in blue face paint.

Said one enthusiastic fan outside a Toledo Cinemark, “WOOOOOOO, AVATAR!!!”



Robot Butt News Corp.

Author: Robot Butt News Corp.

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