ALEPPO, Syria – Local slacker and Aleppo High’s “Most Likely to Miss Their Own Shelling” Adnan Abdallah continues to disappoint his community by extending his gap year forcefully detained in an Australian detention center.
Upon seeing images of his son hunger striking with friends at the popular detention center Nauru, 57-year-old Adnan Sr. told the press “I get it, have fun at the hands of some other nation’s human rights breaches, but at some point you have to come home and get serious about your incidental death like everyone else.”
A popular move in 2016, Adnan joins thousands of like-minded asylum seekers willfully neglecting their traditional roles as innocent crossfire casualties to take advantage of Australia’s easygoing, “no questions asked, stay as long as we like” flavor of inhumane incarceration.
“There used to be tens, even hundreds of dutiful young corpses in these wreckages,” tells Aleppo town planner Firas Abadi, pointing to a leveled accountancy firm with minimal human debris. “But now it’s not uncommon to see these buildings crush only one, maybe two elderly. This new generation is quite selfish.”
“I know Dad thinks I’m a dreamer,” Adnan reportedly told a Nauru Detention Center guard between whippings, “but I want to wait til I’m properly old – like 23 or 25 – before returning home and like, opening up an IED-rigged manhole cover with a few friends, or maybe I’ll get caught up in a communal shelling? I just know that my future’s not set yet.”