WASHINGTON – Vice President Mike Pence endured another administration blunder yesterday, as he called the prostitute he was having sex with “Mother” with such wholehearted conviction over and over that she quit in the middle of the act and ran out of the hotel room.
“I’ve been a part of some weird shit, but I have to draw the line somewhere,” witnesses reported the prostitute saying as she took off down the hallway. “I’ll do little boy-Mommy roleplay, but not like this.”
According to Don Hemwill, the manager of the area hotel, numerous calls came to the front desk complaining of a man moaning the word “Mother” so loudly it could be heard at the other end of the building.
“I’ll be honest, I was listening to it all at first,” said Jerry Monrow, whose room shared a wall with Pence’s. “But when you’re hearing a man yell for ‘Mother’ to peg him like that, you just have to take a step back and re-evaluate things.”
With so many complaints, Hemwill was faced with the unenviable task of asking the Vice President of the United States to keep his sex a little more discreet. Lucky for him, before heading to the elevator he caught the prostitute running across the hotel lobby with just one shoe on, the spaghetti straps of her dress dangling off her shoulders. “Sure, we’ve had plenty of cheating politicians come through here over the years,” Hemwill said. “We’ve had congressmen running around as furries and I once found Mitch McConnell in a soiled diaper in a hallway as part of some lost baby bit.”
“But there was something about the way Pence called that woman his mother…like he believed it.”