SYCAMORE, Ill. – After his girlfriend Sarah Marko mentioned trading in her 2006 Honda Civic sedan for a newer, more exciting car, area man Adam Baker reported feeling anxious, sources reported. “Sure, it’s nearing 100,000 miles and the paint has lost some luster. But we’ve been dating over five years, and her silver Civic has been good enough for her until now. It’s paid off, runs dependably and is very low maintenance.”
Adam proudly pointed out the still-functional single-CD player and Garmin GPS suctioned to the dashboard, and reminisced about road trips the couple had taken together. “I don’t get it. I thought she’d have this car forever,” he said. “Just last week we talked about how great the gas mileage is. I helped her pick it out years ago, and we used to blast LMFAO with the windows down on our way to stats class. Now she suddenly seems…so cold, so callous about it all.”
At press time Baker reported that while Marko planned to test drive Mini Coopers and Scion FR-S’s next week, he planned to treat himself to an overdue haircut and a trip to J. Crew for a few wardrobe updates.