5 Predictions for Last Night’s ‘Game of Thrones,’ Which I Missed and Will Have to Watch Tonight

Game of Thrones Season 7

One of the biggest phenomena in pop culture history is back: season seven of Game of Thrones! It’s been a year since the last season ended, and fans have been speculating as to what will come next, myself included.

Of course, most fans remembered that the premiere was last night, and so they already know what is going down. Unfortunately I was not one of them, as I put a ball in an empty tissue box for my cat to play with and IT WAS JUST SO ADORABLE and I kind of lost track of time.

But I still want to get these predictions out there! Just please remember that I’m not actually watching until later tonight, so please don’t spoil anything in the comments. I haven’t had much to look forward to, and I really need this.

Daenerys Isn’t Going to Westeros

I know Daenerys and her army landing in Westeros seems like a safe bet, since that’s where she was heading at the end of last season and it’s what the show has been building up to. But there’s also still two seasons left that HBO needs to milk, so there will be some more hurdles in her path.

It’s a big Narrow Sea, and there will likely be plenty of storms that will send her armada off in the wrong direction. At the very least it could splinter the armada into factions, which Daenerys would need to track down and bring back into the fold. Who knows, maybe one ship never makes it back, and the story of their journey could be one of the spinoffs HBO is promising!

Jon Snow Marches South

Now that Ramsey had his bastard ass handed to him, Jon is going to take his new army and get some much deserved vengeance against the Lannisters. What about the White Walkers? He’s got Sam figuring that stuff out in Oldtown, plus he’s riding the momentum and high from his last victory. All that adrenaline is going to have him feeling invincible and he’s gonna make some mistakes, especially now that Melisandre is no longer there to constantly remind him about the “real” war to come.

Clegane Bowl!

Fans have been wanting this for quite some time, and what better way to start the season off with a bang than by having the brothers come face to face again. It would –

Oh. Well. Thanks to my co-worker Sean it looks like this prediction is way off. I TOLD YOU NOT SAY ANYTHING SEAN.

The Freys are Hunting Arya

Last season saw Arya finally get to that list she’s keeping, and knock off Walder Frey. Unfortunately killing a fairly high-profile lord has consequences and the rest of the House will be out for bl-

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT, SEAN. No, why would I ask you if my prediction was right? And even if I did you can just say yes or no, you didn’t need to explain the whole scene in detail. OH GREAT, IT WAS THE BEST SCENE OF THE WHOLE EPISODE. WELL THANK YOU FOR BREAKING THE ENTIRE FUCKING SCENE DOWN FOR ME. THIS WAS SO MUCH BETTER THAN WATCHING IT FOR MYSELF.

Sean Gets His Face Punched

After running his mouth and revealing one too many secrets, it’s only natural that Sean gets punched in the face. I REALLY DON’T CARE WHAT HR HAS TO SAY ABOUT IT, SEAN, THIS IS HOW IT GOES. YOU KNOW I’M FASTER THAN YOU, THERE’S NO POINT TRYING TO RUN. VALAR MORGULIS, MOTHERFUCKER.

 

 




Tim Gaydos

Author: Tim Gaydos

Tim is a contributor for Robot Butt and is not hosting a parasitic xenomorph inside him, so just don't worry about it, ok? You can disagree with his opinions on Twitter @timthinksthings.

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