Help! My Girlfriend Is Cheating on Me With Her Husband

Man With Head in Hands

I woke up this morning and she was gone. It’s not like her to wake up super early, so I knew something was up. She’d been acting weird for days. Last night, she stayed up texting someone and giggling. Then when I tried to initiate cuddling, she just said she was tired and went to sleep. Tired? From what? I’ll tell you from what, from sex. But not with me, because sex with me doesn’t make you tired. I think she’s back to seeing her current husband and kids.

We first started dating when I saw her at the supermarket. I figured the ring she was wearing was just a decoy to discourage construction workers and cashiers at the checkout counter from making small talk. So, I approached her and asked her what was the best way to know an avocado was ripe. She looked at me weird because we were in the dairy aisle and there were no avocados in sight. Luckily, I always carry one in my pocket.

After I got her number, I walked out of the store casually but triumphantly. Then I walked back in to get my groceries. Later that night, I called her and she sounded differently over the phone than in person. She sounded more man-ish. She said “This is her husband.” Looks like I had a jokester on my hands. So she hung up on me. I texted her later and we met up for coffee. She said her and her husband aren’t a thing anymore, they just live together and are friends with benefits. Who am I to judge?

After a few weeks of dating, I started to fall for this girl. If she did go back to him, that would be devastating. I just didn’t see this coming. Did I do something to deserve this? The last girl I dated was a lot more my type; I regret the breakup. She never treated me badly and always gave me a heads-up when she was going on a business trip for two weeks with her husband to Cancun. At least I knew where she was. But this one? She just disappears. I don’t deserve that.



Salim Alam

Author: Salim Alam

Salim Alam is a comedy writer and improviser based out of Washington, DC. He has studied improv at the DC Improv and sketch writing with The Second City. He writes satirical articles and monologue jokes that focus on politics. Salim enjoys ice cream, Scotch, and avoiding the doctor. Follow him on Twitter @1salimalam.

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