Mike Pence Noticeably Sweaty After Citing 69 Percent Manufacturing Growth

Mike Pence Sweating

WASHINGTON – After several meetings with CEOs of major American manufacturers Thursday, Vice President Mike Pence was noticeably sweaty as he left the Department of Commerce, murmuring “sixty-nine percent” repeatedly while fanning himself with a silk handkerchief.

A staffer, speaking under condition of anonymity, said that Pence was visibly bored during the meeting, referring to it as “number crunchers crunching numbers,” until the topic of manufacturing growth came up. Pence, said the staffer, sat up in his seat and asked the presenter to repeat himself when it was announced that the industry had experienced sixty-nine percent growth over the last quarter.

“He couldn’t get over it,” said the staffer. “The vice president’s foot started tapping loudly as he asked the presenter to repeat the amount of growth over and over.”

Vice President Pence has drawn criticism recently for his inability to navigate “overtly sexualized” situations, including being in the same room with strange women, interacting with women who show their ankles in public and spending too much time near the ripe bananas in grocery stores.

As Vice President Pence left the meeting, one reporter overheard him asking where the “closest cold shower is.” Reportedly, the vice president added “either a cold shower or an hour with Mother,” referring to Karen Pence, his wife.


Robot Butt News Corp.

Author: Robot Butt News Corp.

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