Mike Pence Thrilled at Prospect of Being Only Second-Worst President in US History

Mike Pence Happy

WASHINGTON – Vice President Mike Pence fielded questions from reporters this week, admitting that the chance to be only the second-worst president in United States history has him energized.

“Look, Donald is my boss, and I have to thank him for all that he’s done,” Pence said. “But he’s setting the bar so low that if I can resist the urge to deport the gays, I’m still going to be in the top forty-five.”

Pundits are pointing to Donald Trump’s ability to alienate virtually every American ally, roll back basic human rights by decades, and commit to destroying the planet as the groundwork for Mike Pence’s potential ascension to the second-worst American president of all time.

“Here we have a man who, under any other circumstance, would be widely seen as the worst president imaginable,”said New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman during a televised CNN interview Tuesday. “He’s homophobic, he’s anti-women’s rights, and he’s essentially a radical Christian. And yet, in 2017, he would be a significant upgrade.”

Ms. Haberman paused before adding, “It’s like trading in a bicycle with a flat tire for a bicycle with a slightly less flat tire.”

Later in his media session, Vice President Pence re-stated his excitement. “Being the president? Wow. Being a prejudicial white man and imposing my bigoted will on the entire country? And being seen as a welcome replacement? How does it get any better than that? Did I say that out loud? Huh. God bless America.”



Robot Butt News Corp.

Author: Robot Butt News Corp.

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