Leak Reveals Trump’s Speeches Composed Using MadLibs

Trump Speech

Recent spring cleaning at the White House revealed a book of MadLibs stashed beneath the president’s mattress. The book, discovered during the annual mattress flipping, is titled “Winning Speeches for Big-League Politicians!” Staffers were able to identify the completed MadLibs as every speech (exceeding 140 characters) that President Trump has given since the beginning of his campaign for the 2016 election.

The newly discovered trove has provided insight into the president, particularly how his more recent speeches were able to contain complete sentences and coherent thoughts.

Robot Butt was able to obtain an excerpt from Trump’s “law and order” speech:

“… The (bad thing), (different bad thing) and (different bad thing) that have taken place in (place noun) is an assault on the right of all citizens to live in (abstract noun) and (abstract noun).

 

(Noun) and (noun) must be restored. It must be restored for the sake of all, but most especially the sake of those living in the affected (type of place).

 

The main victims of these (bad things) are law-abiding (fictional race) citizens living in these neighborhoods. It is their jobs, their homes, their schools and communities which will (negative verb) as a result.

 

There is no (some kind of value?) in tolerating (negative adjective) conduct. (Bad thing) and (bad thing) is an attack on the (some kind of people inferior to me), and will never be accepted in a Trump Administration.

 

The narrative that has been pushed aggressively for years now by our current Administration, and pushed by my opponent (fictional very bad villain!), is a false one. The problem in our (very sad place to live) is not that there are too many (fictional crime fighters), the problem is that there are not enough (same fictional crime fighters).

 

More (vague good thing), more (vague good thing), more effective (-ing verb) is what our country needs.Just like (fictional very bad villain!) is against the (outdated profession), she is against the (people who actually probably deserve a good part of the blame). You know it, and I know it.

 

Those peddling the narrative of (plural noun) as a (negative adjective) force in our society – a narrative supported with a nod by my opponent – share directly in the responsibility for the unrest in (fantasy setting), and many other places within our country.They have fostered the dangerous anti-(crime drama hero) atmosphere in America.

 

Every time we rush to judgment with false facts and narratives – whether in (fictional setting) or in (literally anywhere, it really doesn’t matter) – and foment further unrest, we do a direct disservice to (synonym for pathetic) (fictional race) residents who are hurt by the (very bad thing) in their communities.

 

During the last (amount of time), while (bad people who don’t have jobs) have (-ed verb) against the police here in (place noun), another (number) were killed in Chicago and another (bigger number) were wounded. More than (any number) people have been shot in Chicago since the beginning of the year, and almost (most big number!) killed in President (Comic Book Bad Guy)’s hometown area since his presidency began.

 

How are we serving these American victims by attacking (fictional crime-fighting team)?”

President Trump took to Twitter to deny that he used MadLibs to form his speeches and decry the report as “fake news.” His attempts were somewhat undercut, however, when he accidentally posted a tweet that appeared to be cut and pasted from another MadLib template: “The failing (credible news site) continues their (negative adjective) coverage of my (fantastic policy idea). (EMOTION IN ALL CAPS).”

 

 




Caitlin Ponomarenko

Author: Caitlin Ponomarenko

Caitlin Ponomarenko is an immortal deity who has been reincarnated into this flesh cage for the past 29 years. TIME IS FLEETING. THE ASCENSION IS IMMINENT.

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