In what can only be described as the greatest Biblical victory since Jesus dunked on everyone by coming back from the dead, Tim Tebow has truly defeated Satan once and for all.
The former pro football player and now minor leaguer, playing for the Class A Columbia Fireflies in the Mets organization, hit a home run in his very first at-bat last week. But how, you might be wondering, does that mean Tebow finally took down the devil, securing for all of us the eternally joyous afterlife we all crave so much? Well, Tebow hit his homer off Domenic Mazza, who was drafted by the San Francisco Giants in the 22nd round of the 2015 draft.
Which means Mazza was the 666th overall pick.
That’s right, Domenic Mazza is Lucifer in the flesh, and he ascended from his throne in hell to put an end to Tebow’s noble quest to make the majors and spread the gospel of being a virgin. But perhaps powered by Christopher Lloyd and the rest of the angels in the outfield – or perhaps just by his own dedication to his religious beliefs, so strong that it makes God wonder if he placed his bets on the wrong son – Tebow took Mazza deep and sent the devil packing straight back into the pits of hell to once again formulate a new plan to defeat the holiest man on Earth.
Tebow has already homered again for the Fireflies, but it’s unclear what type of demon he annihilated his time, or how many more demons will be wiped off the planet by the time Tebow is done.