8 Reasons Crayola Forced Dandelion Into Early Retirement

Crayons

1. Health concerns arose after Dandelion’s complexion was observed looking a bit sallow

2. Redundancy in Crayola’s yellow workforce

3. Contract negotiations fell apart when Dandelion demanded a place in the elite 8-color box

4. Middling performance reviews as no kid likes coloring with a vaguely depressing shade of mustard yellow

5. Reduction in the crayon labor force due to outsourcing to markers and colored pencils

6. Numerous harassment complaints from Cerulean and Scarlet

7. Competency questioned after quality consultants pointed out that dandelions aren’t actually that color

8. Replaced by a younger, less experienced crayon that will work for half as much

 

 




Amanda Nowotny

Author: Amanda Nowotny

Amanda Nowotny is a comedy writer, lapsed improviser, and professional nerd residing in western Pennsylvania. She has studied sketch writing and improv at Arcade Comedy Theater in Pittsburgh and satire with The Second City. Her work has previously been featured on the Arcade stage, the Second City Network, and her mom's Facebook page. When not trying to cobble together funny words to post on the Internet, Amanda works as a private tutor and test prep instructor. Witness her occasionally form coherent Twitter thoughts on food, booze, politics, and the chihuahuas who own her at @PrincessSnarkle.

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