WASHINGTON – Republican leaders who scrambled in recent weeks to put together a replacement plan to the Affordable Care Act hit a new snag this morning after a tweet by President Trump called for the passage of the American Health Care Cat.
“I call on Congress to make sure the American Health Care Cat gives access to all people who need medical care!” Trump tweeted at 3 a.m. Beltway reporters, assuming a simple typo had occurred to turn “American Health Care Act” into “American Health Care Cat,” pointed out the obvious error only to face a barrage of additional tweets from the president. “FAKE NEWS once again covers me unfairly. I said we’d have the American Health Care Cat and I meant it!”
During his daily press conference, a clearly overwhelmed Sean Spicer fielded questions regarding the new Health Care Cat, and whether Trump was simply doubling down rather than admitting an error. “Let’s get something straight, there was no error,” Spicer said, unable to hide the sweat pooling at his armpits. “The American Health Care Cat is a real thing. His name is Pumpkin, and he has been the plan all along. See?” Spicer then presented a mock-up of a cat-like mascot, which was clearly drawn hastily on a napkin. “How could we have this mock-up if the president made a typo just this morning? Get your facts straight.”
Speaker Paul Ryan also made the rounds on morning news programs to promote Pumpkin the American Health Care Cat. “This is the health care solution Americans need,” Ryan said through gritted teeth. “And you don’t even need to spend twelve hours putting together a PowerPoint presentation to explain it.”
Trump continued to tout the American Health Care Cat on Twitter as a “Big Win!” throughout the day, pausing only to encourage Congress to approve his proposal for a “Muslim Travel Van.”