Ever since the “male Hooters” opened up, I’ll admit I’ve been curious and a bit skeptical. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about the effort and hopeful that their intent is to hop on the gender equality, female inclusion train (trust me, we see you and we appreciate you). When I looked it up, though, all I found were photos of ripped men in tiny shorts holding server trays of hot dogs. This photo may have been edited.
Maybe I’ve been reading too much Roxane Gay or Rebecca Solnit but I don’t know that the Hooters business model of oversexualizing the opposite sex appeals to female audiences as flawlessly as it does male ones. As I said though, I’m all about a restaurant that focuses on women having a pleasurable dining experience that caters specifically to them. So, in my spare time, I compiled a list of ideas to help the breastaurant industry grow:
A restaurant where the male servers recite poetry by memory while walking a dog
where the server is genuinely interested in listening to you complain about your boss
where the server wears the nice sweater you picked out for him
where the server starts a conversation with you about football making no sense
where the server just shows you photos of his niece because he’s proud of her
where the server looks lovingly at you as you order 20 wings for yourself and doesn’t judge or make a face like he just found out that episode of Animal Hoarders was about you
where the server brings a bowl of hot cheese like it’s free water before even asking what you want off the menu
where the server is a robot that you can order hot cheese from so you don’t have to interact with a single person before, during, or after the transaction
the robot has internet capabilities with bookmarks to Etsy, Tumblr and the Lemonade album
the robot is just an iPad
Honestly, free tampons and pads in the bathroom will do just fine.