Devout Teens Pledge to Stay Virgins Until Parents Away

Happy teenage couple

MEDFORD, Ore. – Reaffirming their commitment to chastity, teenagers Samantha Gray and Colin Reingold told reporters Tuesday that they had made a solemn vow to remain virgins until Reingold’s parents left home for the weekend.

“This is how the Lord intended it,” explained Gray.  “In His eyes, sexual intimacy should be between a man and a woman bound by the sanctity of that man or woman’s parents being at Crater Lake for two whole days.” 

Gray and Reingold told reporters that without the commitment of waiting for Reingold’s parents to be well out of cell phone range, the experience would feel meaningless and shallow. “These days, a lot of people are having sex before their parents have even booked their flight or made hotel reservations,” explained Reingold. “But we believe the Lord wants us to save ourselves for when we can explore our bodies in any room of the house.”

The couple added that waiting isn’t supposed to be easy.  “We’re compelled by nature to succumb to fleshly desires,” Reingold said. “But God intended sex to be enjoyed within the confines of an empty house with the doors locked and the shades drawn.”

“Besides,” added Gray, “Even if we’re wrong, the Holy Spirit will be much more forgiving than my dad.”

Robot Butt News Corp.

Author: Robot Butt News Corp.

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