Sustainable, Locally Sourced Crushes to Have in Portland, Oregon

Portland Downtown Cityscape in the Fall

Credit: David Gn

  • Whole Foods Checkout Girl: You see her every time you get groceries. You pine for her even though you know her white girl dreads are super problematic.
  • Kombucha Guy: He tried to sell you fermented tea out of the back of his 1991 Subaru and you were kind of into it.
  • Your Barista: When you tell your friends about how she remembers your name and your order, you’re unsure if you should ask her out or if you’re simply describing a positive coffee ordering experience.
  • Weed Dispensary Guy: You keep overtipping him but somehow he just doesn’t seem to notice you.
  • All Five of Your Friend’s Housemates: The guy who fixed your bike that one time; The girl who always brings everyone leftovers from the food cart she works at; The girl you invited to be on your podcast as a thinly veiled ruse.
  • Your Neighbor: Ever since he knocked on your door to tell you you were recycling wrong, you’ve looked at him a little differently.
  • Conspiracy Theory Guy: He stopped you one day in the Japanese Gardens to share with you that you’re beautiful, and also his interesting theory regarding poison in the city water supply.
  • Bagpipe-Playing Unicycle Guy: You once saw him in the Pearl District without his Darth Vader mask, revealing that he is unexpectedly attractive.
  • Carrie Brownstein: Obviously.

 

 




Meryl Williams

Author: Meryl Williams

Meryl Williams is a writer based in Columbus, Ohio. She plays roller derby and loves Rilo Kiley. Sign up for her awesome TinyLetter.

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