The Shows You’ll See on Trump TV

Donald Trump TV

Trump’s Gold Standard

Now that Donald Trump has won the no-longer-rigged presidential election, he is ready to leave all the “presidential stuff” to his associates and take his rightful place as the faux-conservative pundit the country needs. In a completely original setup, the show features Trump from the shoulders-up, talk-shouting the best news while revealing text scrolls along the right side of the screen. Regular segments include Lock Them Up, Daily Reason to Hate Rosie O’Donnell, and Gold Tweets. “O’Reilly? Never heard of him,” Trump says in the premiere’s promo.

Wake Up With Billy Bush

Part morning show, part street interviews, Billy Bush delivers the morning gossip intercut with interviews with New York City’s best cat callers. Watch Billy Bush navigate construction sites, subways, hospitals, and even cemeteries to catch the best cat calling and “compliments” the Big Apple has to offer. Don’t miss the semi-annual awards show, where one lucky winner will take home The Golden Tic-Tac award.

The Many Talents of Our Fearless Leader Who Has Slept With Many Women

A daily lunchtime salute to the Donald’s many TV cameos, with cuts to a live TV audience of beautiful white women (10’s only!) smiling and clapping. Every Sunday, a portrait artist will re-create an image from one of the cameos in a six-foot mural.

The Melania Trump Show

A sober yet scarier version of The Anna Nicole Show, complete with Melania calling out for her son in various Trump hotels. Tiffany Trump guest stars by running errands when Melania’s personal assistant is too busy. Critics are calling it, “A never-ending episode of 90 Day Fiancé.

Rules & Regulations

Move over Law & Order, there’s a new crime show and it is simply the best. Men, grab your girlfriends, and ladies, grab your pajamas – only the cute ones – and settle in to watch your favorite alpha-male cops rustle up some crime in the inner-cities. Which inner-cities? As detective Donnie (no relation) often says, “Just another night of some un-biased stop-and-frisk.”

Wait, there’s more!

Re-runs of American’s Next Top Model with exclusive Trump family commentary. Superimposed 1-10 ratings will float over each contestant’s head, fluctuating based on the contestant’s wardrobe and behavior.

Late-night movie marathons with custom edits from the best people, showing the movies as they ought to have been made. The Hunger Games as a Panem paradise. There Will Be Blood as the heartwarming tale of an oil slick’s desire to make it big, and make his father proud. Silkwood as a PSA that bad women get what’s coming to them.

Trump TV, coming to all networks near you!

 

 




Author: Jackie Sizemore

Jackie recently graduated with an MFA from Boise State University. Her work has previously appeared in Paper Darts, Print Oriented Bastards, Literary Orphans, and is forthcoming in the Eastern Iowa Review and FemmeFeminism. Jackie is a short story writer, poet, essayist, and is currently working on her first novel. Her website is avenureinwriting.co.

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