8 Things to Do When You Wake Up Bewildered in a Corn Maze

Corn Maze

1. Check your breath and clothes for the smell of alcohol. Nothing? That’s good. That’s good. You’ve held out for nearly two months now. This is something else.

2. Is that a freshly dug, human-sized grave in the dirt over there or just a pretty big hole? Spatters of blood in and around the area might provide some insight.

3. Take a deep breath and retrace your steps. If you stumble over a lifeless body, congratulations, you found a clue! Your concept of reality should begin to unravel from there.

4. Don’t think about that pile of teeth back there. Just…don’t.

5. Try not to consider what might live at the heart of the corn maze.

6. If you’re unsure whether that’s a whispering voice ordering you to bring it fresh souls or maybe just a gentle breeze, choose the latter but always wonder about the possibility of indulging the voice to see what happens.

7. Climbing that scarecrow to get a view of the way out will only show you the corn maze’s eternal stretch in all directions. Just go with your gut.

8. Can you trust your memories? Haven’t you always lived in a corn maze?



The Robot Butt Staff

Author: The Robot Butt Staff

We're the Robot Butt staff, hired right after the experiment of typewriting monkeys went horribly wrong.

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