Can you believe Halloween is nearly here once again? It snuck up on us too, but if you’re planning to put razor blades into all the candy you’ll be passing out this year, don’t be left unprepared! With these eight essential tips, you’ll be ready for all of the neighborhood children come Halloween night:
1. All hard candies are out, obviously. Unless you’ve taken the time to build your own confectionary lab in your basement and can design a hard candy around a razor blade, stick to the soft stuff!
2. Most novices prefer small safety razors, but old pros know that a Zagnut bar has the perfect dimensions and consistency to accommodate a straight razor. It’s all about variety!
3. The Elmer’s CraftBond hot glue gun is ideal for re-sealing a candy bar wrapper after you’ve expertly inserted your preferred blade. Accept no substitutes!
4. When melting the caramel that will conceal your insertion points in apples, sprinkle a little rat poison in the mix and cover your bases!
5. Make sure to be the most adamant voice in your neighborhood’s Facebook group when it comes to rooting out “these maniacs,” and implore parents to be vigilant. Challenging yourself makes for a better payoff!
6. Remember, that divorced dad down the street makes for a great scapegoat. Be sure to dispose of all the packages for the razors you’ve compiled during the year in his trashcan on October 30th!
7. If you’re willing to go the extra mile, advanced men’s razors like the MACH3 Turbo offer multiple thinner blades as opposed to a classic box-cutter blade that a handyman might use. This means that if a child bites in and finds a blade, they’ll think they’re in the clear before finding the next two!
8. Never use an Almond Joy. Kids don’t deserve that.