CLIVE, Iowa – In light of Hillary Clinton’s bout with pneumonia, which recently forced her to leave a 9/11 memorial ceremony in New York City, presidential rival Donald Trump has expressed “serious concerns” that Clinton lacks the stamina to survive long enough to ultimately be hunted down and assassinated by Second Amendment enthusiasts.
“I’m deeply concerned that my opponent is not well enough to handle the rigorous demands of the job,” Trump said at a rally in Iowa today. “Which includes being alive long enough to be assassinated by fine American patriots looking to exercise their God-given rights.”
Trump reassured his supporters that he “is the healthiest person to ever run for office and probably ever live.”
“Folks, I can assure you that I am, and will continue to be, more than healthy enough to be murdered a thousand times over by our fine gun advocates if they should choose to do so,” he said. “Although it must be said that I have outrun and dodged so many bullets in my lifetime. I can run so fast, believe me, and I’ve never been hit, unlike Neo in The Matrix. Look, anyone foolish enough to be shot is a loser, plain and simple.”